Healing Rain

Touching base.... ♥

2012-02-27T08:21:00.001-08:00

My dad pointed out a couple of days ago that my last Blog was January 31! That's a month! No wonder I have been missing you all of late!

It is thrilling to me to check the stats on my blog and see that there are still visitors on a daily basis. It is encouraging to my heart and yet I feel this small twinge of guilt pressing down as well.

I am not one to give excuses and truly do not like to come across as defensive. The saying 'it is what it is' comes to mind each time I think of 'why'.

However...I do feel I owe my wonderful friends, family, followers and droplets an explanation as to why the lull with my writing as well as an update into our lives.

At the beginning of February I was hired by the Raw Food Restaurant here in Qualicum Beach, Rawthentic Eatery. I had been verbally applying on a daily basis since we arrived here in September. I knew and God knew... it was only a matter of time before 'They' knew! Well that day finally arrived and just as I thought...I love it!

I love the people who own it, the people who work there and the people who are customers there! It is busy. The days are long and full. It is challenging. It is rewarding. It is fun. It is stretching.

My Man and I entered the RAW Food world upon our arrival here after I researched and dabbled in it during my month in Victoria, July last year.

We had been having so many physical ailments over the years with the last being severe stomach pain almost every time we ate! We battled skin rashes, sleeplessness, joint & muscle pain, major digestive issues, ulcers, sore & bleeding gums, headaches and of course emotional distress. We knew the stress over the years had been taking its toll on our bodies and it was time to make some drastic changes or medicate ourselves to death.

Thus our entry into Raw Food. Presently our stomachs give us very little grief. My skin issues are 95% under control. The aching in my joints has diminished considerably. Since June 2007 I have taken a natural sleep aid EVER night to get me to sleep. With our lifestyle change and move I can count on one hand how many times I have needed help to get to sleep.

I love our new Raw diet and I love the raw food culture.

Besides the two or three days a week at the restaurant I am still pursuing and LOVING my career as a massage therapist! I love to pour out love. To nurture. To see healing results. To see a persons whole being changed after one hour with me. I love looking for Gods touch on someone he has brought my way. I love the power of the essential oils I use in my treatments. I love the hugs from my clients.

There is not enough business for me at the Spa I work at so My Man and I have been putting our mobile massage & reflexology business together. We had both hoped to stay away from self-employment for our first year on the Island... We now believe God has other plans for us.

The marketing of self and services is time consuming and overwhelming. Not to mention that rejection of self and services is VERY tough on the ego and confidence scale! We remember that it is not our will we seek and that the plans He has for us are plans to prosper and not to harm, plans to give us hope and a future. It will come together!

This truth that 'it will come together' was never more clear then when I was hired for my third (or is it 4th?) job here on the Island.

You will remember the blog 'The Work of a Dream' from January 18 when I wrote about goal setting and a business plan. Well...I got right on the writing of goals, desires and dreams and found I rather enjoyed it. Especially when I saw one dream come to reality that very week! It was CrAzY!

On January 19 I point form wrote about my writings....

~ I love to write
~ I am a good writer (I have been told enough to finally believe!)
~Is my desire still to write a book
~Is it a daily newspaper article
~is it always going to be a blog
~The blog is time consuming with out pay ~ 2-4 hours every day
~what about my desire to share our health wisdom

On January 25th a day or two before I was hired at the restaurant and 6 days after I wrote about where my writing was going; I was hired to write a weekly newsletter! When I read over my entry in my goals diary...I was blown away! Talk about speaking it out into the universe! Talk about God caring about ALL our desires, dreams and wishes! My faith was increased 100 fold that day. When I have Thomas days, days of doubt I look at my goals diary and I read the articles I am writing every week and then I wait expectantly on God for the next mind blowing event!

Oh the newsletter content? I write each and every week about the Raw Food World! My desire to share the wisdom I glean from hours of research and hands on healthy living and healing is now being put in print...EVERY WEEK! It is sent out to hundreds of emails, hundreds of people who have signed up to receive this newsletter! I love it! It is challenging. It is stretching. It is fun. It is rewarding! It is VERY time consuming, mind consuming, energy consuming and eats up the creative writing within me.

And that dear friends...is my excuse for not blogging for the last month. I spend 5-9 hours each Sunday writing the newsletter which is published at midnight Sunday. Mondays are spa days. Tuesdays are Healing Rain marketing days. Wednesdays and Thursdays are Rawthentic days. Fridays is shared with Rawthentic and Natural Synergy Day Spa and Saturday is full on Spa day.

I am happy. I am full of joy. I am blessed. I am honoured to see God's hand in my day to day existence. I have an amazing man who supports me with everything I do.

A man who pulls me outside for walks. Does the laundry. Cleans the bathroom. Takes care of the dog. He vacuums. He grocery shops. He encourages. He takes full Saturdays and does 'on location' days with mini-hand reflexology treatments to promote our mobile Healing Rain. He is on call 5 days a week for school bus driving. He drives Taxi's on Saturdays when not 'on location'. We market together on Tuesdays. He pours me wine and finds me salty crunch when my day is too long and I am too cranky. He waits patiently for 'us' time as I make calls to family and friends back home and have all evening texting conversations with some of the same. He keeps up with his amazing gift of reflexology on my feet EVERY night. He holds me close. He loves me.

I wasn't supposed to be this busy when we moved to a quieter life of Island living... I learned I don't do 'nothing' well! As well as 'nothing' doesn't pay the bills!

Where does that leave our relationship dear friends, readers & droplets? If you will be understanding and patient with me I have every intention of continuing my writings here on my Healing Rain Blog. Sharing my heart, my life, my lessons, my God and my musings. It will likely be published on a weekly basis unless I decide to give up sleeping altogether! =)

I also will be setting up another blog site of some sort, in the very near future, to share the culture, lifestyle and how to's of living on a Raw Food Diet. I hope it will be intriguing enough to have you join me there as well as here....

Blessings be yours as you wait expectantly on God...♥ LR

Just Two Words...

2012-01-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

I need to be 'qualified' by people in my life. I need to feel like I am important to them. Surely we all have a deep desire to feel that we make a difference in peoples lives. Whether it be friends, family, neighbours, those we do business with etc.

Big pet peeve of mine is shown in the statements that follow... What feels better to YOU?

'you're moving? ok, bye'

'your moving? I am going to miss YOU so much! it has been wonderful having you for a neighbour!'

'you're quitting? oh, well...you have to do what you have to do.'

'your quitting? I understand why you need to but we are going to miss you so much around here!'

'you can't come? ok.'

'you can't come? oh, what? That is too bad, I really wish you could, I will miss you!'

'I am not going to shop here any more because I wasn't treated fairly. Oh well, there is nothing I can do for you'

'I am not going to shop here any more because I wasn't treated fairly. I am so sorry to hear that, please tell me what happened. We appreciate your business, here is 25% off your next visit.'

Do you get the picture? We all want to feel wanted. That we matter. That we are important.

It takes very little effort to make others feel special. But because of our own guarded heart, selfishness, hurt and all about me attitude we often toss others aside to protect ourselves.

We need to take a look at the words "it's not all about me" and apply it where we can in our lives. Step outside of your normal, your comfort zone, your own head and take a look at the situation from the other side.

When I say I can't...my heart needs to hear you truly wanted me to.

When I say I'm done...my heart needs to hear I was appreciated.

When I say I'm going...I need to know you wish I was staying.

When I say I quit...I need to know I was valuable.

When I say good bye...I need to know I will be missed.

When I have something to say...I need to know you are listening.

When I matter to you...my heart needs to hear you tell me so.

Many years ago when I was about 9 or 10, I was standing at the front door of our house with my parents as they said good bye to some friends. They hugged each other good bye and then my dad said "Thank you" to them as they turned and walked out the door. I looked at my dad with confusion in my head and asked why he said 'thank you' to them because it was my parents who were the hosts. My dad said, very matter-of-fact "it is because they came to our home, because we appreciated their company, because we are thankful for their friendship" Dad told those friends they were the most important people in his life at that very moment with just two words, Thank you!

Obviously a very life changing but so very simple lesson of life from Dad to me. One that has stuck for absolute ever and one that is applied in all aspects of my own life.

It is not hard to make others feel like they matter to you. Will you watch for opportunities today to lift others spirits with a just a few simple words. Your response could just make someone's day the best ever!

A multitude of Blessings be yours as you speak blessings into those you encounter today ♥ LR

Treasures in Tragedy

2012-01-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

When my 22 year old son died in a motorcycle accident in 2007, my heart, life and solid foundation were not only shaken..but in many cases absolutely shattered, broken beyond recognition and shredded!

Over time (the feeling of forever can not be measured) healing started peaking through the darkest of days and I became aware of rays of hope, of light and of promise. These rays had names, earthly names, human hearts, love filled spirits and gentle, healing hugs. It was the people that enveloped our wounded, broken hearts that became our treasures in the worst tragedy imaginable.

Our close knit circle of friends that never left our sides, our home or our hearts for days, weeks, months and some not for years after Jarvis' death are treasures that are immeasurable. There is not a value available in our human vocabulary to express what their friendship means to us. I think we have voiced it, shown it and lived out our love for them in every way possible over time...but it will never be enough. Our love and gratitude will always be at the centre of hearts and memories.

So to you dear friends...Thank you once again for loving us through our personal hell. Your greatest rewards await you in eternity. For now? You have our offering of a lifetime of our love.

♥Friends are one Earthly Treasure that could be yours for eternity♥

On June 15, 2007 our house was taken over by our 'shock absorbers'. The circle I mentioned above and young people! A continuous stream yes, but also a tight circle that took over our basement, family photos, computer and scrapbooking supplies. OH...and my heart! These 20 somethings (some a wee bit younger) flooded our home and heart with an emotional energy that is only possible in the midst of a storm.

The love that reverberated throughout these young spirits was miraculous, healing, grounding, warming and amazing. Youth that couldn't stand one another only 2 days prior came together to perform the most incredible, unselfish and creative display of love filled brokenness. Their gift of love, time and heart are treasures that are buried in a place of foreverness within my mothers heart.

There are others. Other young people. Others who continue to bless my heart in his memory. Others who I will forever have a connection to. Others who love me (love us!) because Jarvis loved others.

The relationships that have stemmed from such tragedy are roses with sweet and lasting fragrance. The many young people that call me Mamma, Momma, Mommy, Mamma Robyn, Mom and Gramma Robyn and even those that still insist on Mrs Movold and Roybn (OY!) have become petals among the thorny scars of deep grief.

These young people taught me how to love without judgement. How to love in the fullest form of acceptance. How to look past the visual and focus on the core of their very being, their heart. The lessons learned continue to serve me well wherever I find myself and whom ever I encounter. I love from a place I never knew existed. I love from somewhere I had never been before. I love from a place I never would have chosen. I love from a changed heart.

I am forever changed because of the loss of a child.
I am forever changed because he loved with
such abandon, such truth, such acceptance.
I am forever changed because his heart held so many.
I am forever changed as his baton of unconditional love was passed to me.
I am forever changed as those who loved him, poured their love on me.
I am forever changed by those who were changed by his love.
I am forever changed because you call me friend.
I am forever changed because you call me Momma.
I am forever changed because he called me mom.

Our greatest and deepest time of sorrow can hold wonderful treasures. My treasures have names, earthly names, human hearts & love filled spirits.

At your darkest hour (whatever that may be for YOU) I pray you too will be blessed with a host of earthly angels, a chest of wondrous treasures and an abundance of unconditional love.

Time does not heal 'all things'...sorry. But 'all things' can find a place where time isn't measured.

Blessings be abundantly yours today as you unearth Treasures of your own ♥ LR

A Blended Mess of Wonderfulness

2012-01-26T08:51:00.000-08:00

One thing is sure in my life...I am forever changing!

I had a precious friend tell me this week "You have changed a lot, but you are still the same" I LOVE that!

It is so very true. I am a very different person today than I was 8 months ago. And I was a very different person 8 months ago from the person I had become over 4 years ago.

I am not who I once was. And I am okay with that!

I have met with a few business minded people over the last week and this truth about being someone different came out in full glory.

I had to explain that I may have said one thing, but I truly meant something different....that is until I process it into the head and heart space I now reside; which then changes where I am really coming from altogether! If that makes sense to you...congratulations, we must be kindred spirits!

I believe I can get away with that kind of thought processing when it is all based on openness, honesty & a place of vulnerability. I am not trying to be someone I am not...any more. And I will be the first to tell you, I don't have it all figured out. It is okay to falter, stumble and even fail. OH WHAT??? Did that just come from me? Wow, I really am different! How many years I have spent attempting to hide my faults and failures.

I realize now that the only person I was fooling was me, as truth has a way of showing it's beautiful self!

I spent years accepting others expectations they placed on me and bending over backwards to not let them down. To live up to all they expected. Give them all they hoped for, all they desired. Not verbalizing the stress I felt or the inadequacies of my abilities. I lived by the term 'fake it 'till you make it'!

I don't believe I did it for them per say. For when we do something for the praise of others we truly are doing it for ourselves. At the time I felt I was giving of self and thinking only of others. It is now I realize how messed up I was. For it was me who needed the results. Me who needed the thanks and words of well done.

Truth of heart and soul has been revealed to me recently and I no longer need to live up to peoples expectations. I also no longer accept others expectations. And, I no longer place unnecessary expectations on my self. I don't need praise and accolades from those around me like I used to.

I believe it is because I have come to a healing place of acceptance... for the person I am, the person I was created to be.

A wonderful mess of Blessings to you today ♥ LR

Hugs from my ♥ to your ♥

2012-01-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Friends,

I have some...

I have an earthly Angel friend

I have a Daisy a Day Friend

A Beautiful Hippy Friend

A Hot **** Friend (name blocked to protect the innocent!) =)

A Lady Friend
Many a 'My friend'

A gf

A BG

I have a Sister for life friend

I have an 'again' friend.....or three

I have health/food/lifestyle minded friends

I have a few daughters from other mothers friends

I have new friends

I have a couple of red neck friends

Island friends

Spiritual friends

BC Friends

AB friends

Friends by choice

Friends by family

family friends

Praying friends

I have a childhood friend

I have an encourager friend

a difficult friend

a number of supportive friends

Always going to be there for me, friends

Wanna be friends (both I wanna and they wanna)

Business friends

Client friends

a number of my kids friends are also my friends

& a very best friend.

I was not sure why I felt the need to write a list of who my friends were until I was done...

I needed to assure myself this day that I am not in this life alone. I needed to show my heart that there are many in my world who have love for me and are deeply loved by me.

Moving 1000kms away from a life time of friends has been difficult to say the least. Friday of last week was a day that my heart ached for those who knew the real me. For those who walked the difficult path of my brokenness and loved me through it and despite it. I ached for those that knew me before and loved me still. I ached for the familiar, the comfortable. And although I still find comfort from a phone call, text, email, wall post or msg...it is just not the same as a hug.

The best description of a hug comes from my Lady Friend who sent me hugs a couple of weeks back. 'Hugs - the really tight kind, the ones that remind you that at that moment you are the only person the hugger is thinking of - to you!!!'

That comment filled with me such comfort on the day it was received. Such presence of her and her love for me. Such an uplifting of my spirit happens each and every time I read that line.

It is in the hugging that a friendship is strengthened.

A wrong is righted.

A hurt is softened.

A tear is dried.

A heart is held.

An honesty is felt.

A truth is shared.

A distance is crossed.

A comfort given

& a comfort received.

It is in the hugging that strength is shared.

courage offered,

Hope given,

Loneliness dispelled

Blessings received

And Love is poured out.

Blessings will be abundantly yours as you reach out and Hug from your Heart ♥ LR

The Same, Yet Different

2012-01-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

Where one finds healing, another may find brokenness.
Where one sees healing, another may view hurt.
Where one hears the heart of healing, another may hear despair.
Where one is touched by healing, another may be battered by pain.
Where one tastes healing, another may spew disgust.
Where one breathes in healing beauty, another inhales ugliness.

We walk through the same experience and come out completely different individuals.

Sometimes it is from the choices we make. Sometimes by the character of each. Sometimes from the walls that surround us. Sometimes it is stubbornness. Sometimes Pride. Sometimes foolishness. Sometimes fear. Sometimes it is our desire to stand alone. Sometimes it is based on relationship. Sometimes it is our need for others. Sometimes it is our refusal of help. Sometimes it is that we are individuals, unique, different & distinctive.

My walk is not your walk. Nor is your walk, mine,
I did not become who I am today by walking a straight line.
I veered to the left while you turned to the right,
It's been a while now, and your heart is still not in sight.

My walk is not your walk. Nor is your walk, mine,
although both have walked the downward slop, as well as the steep incline.
the bruises, bumps, cuts and such, one day we will compare,
but not until your brokenness you are willing to reveal, to share.

My walk is not your walk. Nor is your walk, mine,
I spent some time with open wounds, while you still say you are fine.
My life has changed quite drastically and without doubt yours has too,
The pain, hurt and agony need not hold on any longer to you.

My walk is not your walk. Nor is your walk, mine,
The hurt still stings and is overgrown much like a prickly vine.
I found a Gardner I do like to prune away the pain,
My heart cries out to yours...dance in the Healing Rain!

My walk is not your walk. Nor is your walk mine,
Hope and faith have washed the wounds, the scars will always shine,
I beg for you to take your hurt and your festering heart,
And place it in the Hands of He, who offers a brand new start.

May Blessings wash over you today as you too dance in the Healing Rain ♥ LR

A Snow Day!

2012-01-19T09:47:00.000-08:00

After about 18" of snow fell in our little part of Vancouver Island I think it is justifiable to call a snow day. 'Tis true we didn't get the -50 that Calgary was experiencing and without hesitation Albertans, you win and certainly deserve the right to call a snow day, no justification required!

Here on the Island, prior to yesterday we have had a skiff or two of snow. Reading the status' on facebook showed many in the area desiring, wishing, dreaming of and hoping for a 'snow day'. Much to their dismay it didn't happen on the day they dreamily watched a few flakes float from the frosty sky.

Yesterday, however was a different story! I truly felt like we had been transported back to Alberta and the wonderful (NOT!) winter days they have been experiencing of late. I thanked our God above for the convenience of our made for Alberta vehicle. Two 10 minute remote starts, heated seats and great traction made for a fairly easy trip into work. It only took me 5 minutes more than usual. I was very thankful that the roads were not real busy at 9:30 in the morning with the self acclaimed 'terrible island drivers'!

I must admit though, I missed my garage! My vehicle was covered in snow that was more like Alberta dry snow than the BC wet stuff I had been promised. But clearing off about 12" of it first thing of my morning was a blessing it was light and dry. It was the clearing off that was a bit foreign for this princess! The last 13 years my car was either in the garage or My Man was close at hand to do the deed for me!

Ah well...the weather is certainly not worth negative energy and certainly not what this blog is about!

I find it interesting to note that the people in my world, both BC and Alberta are desiring a snow day. What is a snow day? It is a day when you go nowhere, do nothing, hunker down, jammies all day, hot chocolate & fire (or a hot air furnace vent!), snuggle with the kids, dogs or hunny, read, play games and hibernate kind of day.

This is the same kind of day my youngest son used to be the master of during Christmas breaks from school. This kid could wear out his brand new pair of Christmas pj's in the 10 days off of school if it was cold enough to stay indoors and hibernate! He knew how take it to the max! Of course, every snow day deserves a breath of fresh air, snow forts, snowballs, snow angels & jumping from the roof, tramp or deck railing into a freshly piled hill of powdery, white, dry Alberta snow! Snow pants over the pj's and he was good to go!

The two provinces I have now lived in and most of North America have an extra day off in almost every month of the year, ie New Years day, Family day, Good Friday, Canada Day etc. I think the idea behind these stats was to enjoy my definition of a snow day WITHOUT the snow!

A time to hunker down with those in close proximity to you, your family. A time to get reacquainted, reunited and rejuvinated. A time to *RESET*. A time to regroup, rebuild, restore and rest.

Our world, society and lifestyle in North America is to go 24/7. Non-stop. Continuous.

We pell-mell through life, getting kids to all the activities that is a must these days, getting ourselves to one, two or five self-improvement classes of some sort, business meetings, our full time jobs, being active with our hobbies and passions, handle the mountains of paper that comes through any household door, shop, cook, clean, manage a family and household and, and, and, and... You get the idea, I am sure!

Our lives are busy. Too busy. Too full. Too much. Too many. Too fast. Too big.

We go because that is what is required of us....right?

We go because we don't know what else to do...right?

We go because it is expected of us...right?

We go because our friends go...right?

We go because our neighbours go...right?

We go because it is best for our children...right?

We go because it is fun...right?

We go because we don't know how to stop...right?

Our lives are busy. Too busy. To full. Too much. Too many. Too fast. Too big.

And yet one little snow flake flutters from the clouds above and we are hoping, wishing, desiring, dreaming of a Jammies all day, snow day. We are wishing for a day to just STOP!

I say, don't wait for mother nature to throw you a snow day once a year.

Stop wishing and start creating. Create one day each week, yes every week! One day where you play together, lay together, read together, talk together, walk together, snuggle together, be together. One day to *RESET*. One day without hurry. One day without destination. One day to be lazy.

If you have trouble fitting in a regular snow day, it is time to re-evalute your life.

When you give the excuse life is too busy for you, tell yourself that life is too short not to!

Blessings to you today as you enjoy the truest meaning of a snow day in both Alberta and BC ♥ LR

The Work of a Dream

2012-01-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

My man and I were encouraged today to put together a business plan for Healing Rain here on the island. And then not just for the business but our lives as well. Goal setting. Long range plans. Short term plans. Pipe dreams. Little wishes. Huge hopes. And grandiose visions of our future.

For some, this is an easy task. Those who like to dream. Day dream. Window shop. Pretend games and games of make-believe. Some People.... very much like my man. He has already written out a quick version of where he wants to go, be and do. He has the ability of putting his imagination into quick action and dreaming up all kinds of wonderful, wondrous lives and events.

For others, this is a most difficult endeavour. Practical. Grounded. Don't shop if you can't buy. Reality driven. Focused, kind of people. And...that would be me. Research comes first, followed by practicality of goal. (GOAL, NOT DREAM!) Weighing the consequences, variables and possible out comes. I have yet to pick up pen and paper and start.

After all, how do I know where I will be or even desire to be in 10 years?? I kept telling this kind soul that life was too short to plan 10 years down the road. He kept bringing me back to the fact, I thought almost 5 years ago that life was too short and look at the trouble we now find ourselves in. A big part due to the lack of setting plans or goals.

OH, we had and still do have some dreams. After all it is our dreams that brought us to the Island and set our feet on a new adventure with new beginnings. But looking at the future and not truly putting plans to paper has set us back more years then we had hoped or wished for.

I will not be discouraged by the change of events we are encountering in the last couple of months. I choose to look at the changes as a good thing, a God thing. After all, He has been the one directing our steps since we started this island adventure. The recent changes are forcing a greater step of faith. A stronger resolve to trust. A more determined attitude to do things different.

So..we are bound and determined to write out a 10 year plan for our lives. I will muster up the dreams and desires that are buried deep within. I will set aside the fears of disappointment, discouragement and disbelief. I will shake off the doubt and fear of success. I will let go of anxiety and worry. I will believe that the plans that God has for me, for us, are plans to prosper and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.

It is time to put the past behind us a little bit more. Time to look to our future with awe and wonder and success. Time to live out the passions, the dreams and the talents that have been poured into our souls, our spirits, our hearts.

What I am not looking forward to is the actual piecing together of the business plan. Why can't I just know what I know and do what it is I do and have it all just fall wonderfully into a perfect place of great success?

I should have known this 'work' before me was coming. I was given little insights from a few different sources that this was a natural next step for us. Like last week when we watched the Dragons Den and I verbally put out there that I 'hated' the thought of a business plan. And that I could never be a participant on the show because I could never put one together! Never, say never!

Or the fact that of late I have been saying "I just want the business to come to me, I don't want to do the work to bring it here. I just want to be successful by waiting"! OY!!! Me and my big mouth! For here is this wise, well off individual who has offered wonderful advise, valuable mentoring and coming along side of us while we let go of the 'why' we failed and reach for where we can flourish!

My first couple of goals...

to START the process before Friday is over. I will have jotted down some ideas, ideals, dreams, goals, hopes and wishes.
I will have looked up business plan templates and chose the one we will use.

Ahhh I feel more successful already! It is in print. You have read it. I don't like to fail and I definitely do not like to let others down. I will follow through with these first two goals! Thank you for holding me accountable.

Blessings be yours as you look to your future in a new light ♥ LR

A Slippery Slope

2012-01-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

It is a slippery slope that I walk each and every day.
I try to wear the proper footwear to keep me from sliding down that slope.
I wear proper attire.
I am not to proud to use a hand rail when available.
And I will reach for a hand when offered.
I listen to the forecast and the warnings and attempt to adjust to the conditions.
I have become better at heeding advise as I step out on that slope each day.
I am mostly aware of the grade of the slope and adjust my gait accordingly.
I research and study and read some of the material out there with regard to this slope.
I am cautious and send out my own warnings to those I see.
At the end of each day I take a moment to examine the bumps and bruises I acquired.
I cleanse and nurse the cuts and I wait for the bruises to heal in their own time.
Sometimes the day ends in tears as my man tenderly comes along side and doctors the wounds his way.

It is then I crawl into bed and rest, preparing for a new start to a new day on the slope.

It is then I ponder and think and wonder and remember. It is then I realize that as I was slip, sliding along the slope that I was not alone. There were others doing the same thing. Struggling to keep their footing, wishing they had of dressed different & prepared better. Others who ended up with just as many, if not more, bumps and bruises than I.

When I think about the many that crossed my path whilst sliding, it is both humerous and sad. Some of these were prepared to the hilt and others barely decent for public viewing. Some were those that had warned and taught me in the past. Some were caught off guard while their own guard was down. Some were just going with it; no regard for safety, caution or the concern of outcome.

Where is this treacherous slope I describe? Why would I choose to stand on this slope, let alone walk it each and every day? You may wonder why I don't alter the path in my day. You may wonder how so many of us end up on the same one...

Speaking. Communicating. Conversing. Verbally sharing of information. Chatting. Filling the void of silence. Talking.

We all do it. It is natural. Healthy. Normal. Necessary.

However... The tongue is a dangerous thing. The words we speak can cause us to fall or keep us steady. Words can destroy a person, a relationship, a business, a heart, a family, a community, neighbourhood, town and if really powerful; words can destroy a nation.

For most of us our world is small enough that the nation doesn't rest on our shoulders or the words we say. Mostly the slippery slope of an unguarded tongue only hurts those around us, in our general vicinity, within the confines of our own community.

The opposite is also true....The words we speak can build up a person, a relationship, a business, a heart, a family, a community, neighbourhood, town and yes, even a nation.

The power of an unguarded tongue is not a new revelation for any of us. Walking this slippery slope is a path we all must encounter, engage in and conquer. 'Think before you speak' still holds true. As does 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'.

Prepare yourself for the darting of words directed at you.
Prepare & guard yourself for the words you have of potentially unleashing on others.

Prepare yourself for the slippery slope that is just outside your door. In your kitchen. At the office. At church. The grocery store. Doctors office. Your friends house. The coffee shop. The newspaper article you are writing. The Blog you keyed this morning. The telephone call you are just about to make. Your childs school. Your childs heart. The lunch room.

Blessings be yours as you learn to walk for the conditions ♥ LR

When it rains....

2012-01-16T09:17:00.000-08:00

This phrase 'when it rains, let it' sums up what I have been feeling for some time. It is in there with 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill' & 'If you don't mind, it don't matter'

When it rains, let it.

You can't stop the rain. The snow or the sleet.

The wind. nor the cold, or the blazing heat.

Don't fret in a traffic jam. A line up out the door.

A doctors waiting room. A crowded store.

Keep your cool with other drivers, waitresses & pedestrians,

children, the handicapped & senior citizens.

Take a deep breath, when your newspaper's missing, your mail is late

or your garbage bin's not at your gate.

Let anger go, when the power goes out, the internet's down

and your cell phone can not be found.

The price of wheat, fuel or gold,

worrying about this just makes you old.

Complaining, fretting, anger and such...

won't make a difference, won't amount to much!

Therefore..............................................

When it rains, let it.

Whether it be gentle showers or blinding downpours.

When it rains, let it.

For it is when we dance in the rain that beauty blooms.

When it rains, let it.

It is when we splash in the puddles our sorrows are drowned.

When it rains, let it.

It is when we storm watch that we are filled with wonder and awe.

When it rains, let it.

It is when the sun appears whilst the rain falls we are washed with amazing light.

When it rains, let it.

For when the rain stops it is then we are flooded with gentle peace.

When it rains, let it.

sun kissed earth & hope all aglow, under the arch of the Masters Rainbow.

When it rains, I let it.

Blessings be yours this day as you dance in the rain (or roll in the snow!) ♥ LR

Honestly speaking....

2012-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Lately I have had a certain someone on my heart and mind. And once I start with that individual, my head and heart start to bleed into others as well. I am sure we all have people in our lives that cause us to examine ourselves, question our motives, check our actions and reconsider our next step.

I have a fault. Actually, I have many! But today, would it be okay if we just focused on one? I am not here to beat myself up! =)

I am honest. Truthful. Tell it like it is. Shoot straight from the hip. HONEST.

I don't think I always have been. I believe it has developed with age and circumstance. I think it might fall into the catagory "Life is too short...."

I am going to use a very strong, negative word here but it truly does best describe my feeling.

I HATE the games that are prevalently played in our society!

Something as minor as the bartering that is done in certain stores (ie Antique) or garage sales, car sales, house sales etc. It doesn't make sense to me. And I believe it is a game of 'what can I get away with', which translates into dishonesty and greed in my head.

I mean, seriously! If your bottom line for your used car is $4000 than why not just be honest and say that? If you can afford to take $10,000 less on your home then why not advertise it that way? Why do credit card companies have various interest rates? Were you aware that often if you ask for less of an interest rate you could get it?? Really? Does that not tell you something? It tells me they believe 'lets not offer our best because we make so much more $$$ with our poorest'!!! OY! I HATE the games!!

I tend to be a very intuitive and perceptive person. I can walk in a room or place of business and often see the fakes, the phonies, the wannabe's. I have a sense for the underlying tones in a chance encounter. It can be pretty easy for me to read between the lines. Often times I have wished to be naive. Blind to what is going on around me. Oblivious to the lies, deceit, scams and cons.

I am not even talking professional scams or cons! Just the ones played out by those we rub shoulders with. The shop keepers, employers, neighbours, family and some we call friends.

I do get it wrong sometimes. This bit about reading people and their motives. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised as to how wrong I can be and rejoice at a new love. A new friend. A new place to shop. Or a new place to hang out.

There have been a few times over the years where I have stepped out on a limb, with my ultra sensitive heart (I know, it's another fault and another blog some day!) and watched it blow up in my face...rather watched my heart be trampled and broken. And I have asked myself a zillion times over 'was I too honest?' Should I have confronted? Should I have questioned? Should I have done things differently? Should I have ignored the issues at hand? This is where my earthly Angel would step in and say "it is not about you!" And she is right. The outcome of these situations, if done with love, in truth, with kindness and pure motive is not my issue. It is resting on the shoulders and the hearts of those involved. It is no longer my 'stuff'.

Imagine the situation of a friend going to another friend and saying, with love, in truth, with kindness and pure motive "your husband is cheating on you" (THIS IS NOT A SITUATION I WAS INVOLVED IN; JUST AN EXAMPLE.) How many would 'shoot' the messenger? Or, friend goes to friend and says "I really don't think you are being fair to yourself, your heart or your God by sleeping around on your husband" (THIS IS NOT A SITUATION I WAS INVOLVED IN; JUST AN EXAMPLE.) How many would end the friendship with the honest, pure of heart friend?

Would you tell your friend she looks smokin hot in a dress that would look better on my grandmother? Or would you ask if she wants to go shopping with you? Would your friend still love you if you told her how it honestly looked? Do you tell your husband when he hurts you, whether emotionally or God forbid physically? Or when he doesn't meet your needs? Do you tell your employer "no I won't tell Mr. Smith you aren't here because you are standing before me"?

The point here is that I will be the first to admit an Honest Heart can be painful, can end relationships and break hearts. I have learned this the hard and hurtful way. I have learned to weigh the consequences carefully and with prayer. I continue to check my motives. Confronting with honesty is also something I don't do on a daily, weekly and thank God not even a monthly basis!

Will I stop being honest to save my heart from being broken? I am designed and created in the image of a loving God. He gave me this intuitive, sensitive and honest heart. I don't like 'games' for a reason. And I don't see that changing any time soon!

Being honest is NOT about being cruel! It is NOT about making yourself look good or better? It is NOT about intentionally hurting someone! It is NOT a crusade to be won!

Being honest is about LOVE, TRUTH OF HEART, KINDNESS AND PURE MOTIVE.

When the situation has no other alternatives but to confront, we need to check our motive, approach with love, with truth of heart and with kindness. We have to trust the process and believe the outcome will please God and not self. We have to step back and allow the individual to respond &/or react in the way they best see for themselves. And we need to continue to pray for the individuals involved and sometimes we need to pray for a renewed and healthy friendship to be restored.

Blessings to you from my love-filled, honest ♥ straight to yours ♥ LR

Preparing for Royalty

2012-01-10T09:11:00.000-08:00

Good Morning!

The sky is just starting to lighten around me as I click out this brief blog today!

I have so much food prep, house cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry & planning to do. Of course throw in some actual 'paid for' work, A man, a beast and I can't forget to take care of ME! And, well...I have to keep moving!

I am getting good at preparing for overnight guests. A Bed & Breakfast truly would suit me! Would anyone care to fund one? We will run it and give you a great return on your investment! Perhaps that is for another time and place?

Having lived in the area where we were born and raised the first half of our lives did not allow for many overnight guests. Of course having the house full to the rafters with young children and a very busy life, didn't allow for much opportunity either!

I personally am loving the guests! The one on one extended time spent with those you care about and love is a treasure to enjoy! Back home I had to get my fill of special people over a short meal or an even shorter glass of wine, cup of coffee or an hour long walk.

Façades are dropped when you wake in the morning with your hair all a mess and your most comfy pair of jammies ever! Coffee by the fire, a 2 or 3 hour car tour, chatting about everything and nothing into the latest hour of the day, hikes, strolls, meals, snacks, shopping and a Raindrop, massage or Reflexology appointment....truly, how can you not get to know one another better?

This weekend however goes above and beyond any other guest we could ever host. This weekend, I am preparing all three dinners to have in our home (NO restaurants for dinner! ...YIKES!!). This weekend I am putting on the ritz! I am thinking ahead, yes actually planning! Where will we tour, where will we hike, which of our regular walks will be the best? I am super excited to be preparing for two of the most amazing and special people in our lives. Yes, they come in tops over even our closest friends! (sorry guys, but I know you understand!)

I have spent my life (okay, my adult life!) desiring to please these people. So many of our lives decisions were based from their example, wisdom, direction. We have tried to show honour and respect in all that we do when it comes to them, desired to make them proud and pleased when they hear our names. Their praise, acceptance and reciprocated respect often fuels us onward and gives us strength.

I was going to write a new poem today in honour of these precious souls, but I have decided to share one with you that I wrote in 2008 for their 50th anniversary. The poem was written in such a way that as each name was said that special someone would walk up to this couple and present to them a rose. At the end of the procession, 17 long stem roses were received. Each one given with the highest regard and respect that could ever be bestowed upon a couple.

The Roses amongst the Thorns

YOU HAVE WALKED THIS ROAD TOGETHER; ENTWINED AT THE HEART

YOU HAVE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINS, WALKED THE VALLEY’S

SIDEBY SIDE AND NEVER LONG APART.

NOMORE THAN MERE CHILDREN YOU ENJOYED A TEENAGE FLING

YOURLIVES SO QUICKLY BLENDED AND IT ENDED WITH A RING

NEARTHE END OF ’58 YOU WELCOMED HOME A SON

BLAKEWOULD BE HIS NAME..HE WAS NUMBER ONE!

AYEAR LATER IN ’59 YOU ADDED TO YOUR NEST

DARRENCLAIMED THE 2^ND SPOT AND WANTED TO BE THE BEST!

IN’61 THE TRIBE DID GROW; YOU BROUGHT HOME NUMBER 3

DREWWAS ADDED TO THE MIX…NOW WHAT A FAMILY!!

IN’62 THE TREE DID BLOSSOM WHEN YOU BROUGHT HOME #4

ROBYNARRIVED IN RIBBONS OF PINK AND STILL YOU WANTED MORE

IN’68 THE CHOSEN ONE WAS WELCOMED TO OUR CLAN

SHONAADENA PAGET…. THE FIRST ONE TO BE PLANNED

YOU’VEWALKED THIS ROAD TOGETHER; ENTWINDED AT THE HEART

YOU’VECLIMBED THE MOUNTAINS, WALKED THE VALLEYS

SIDEBY SIDE AND NEVER LONG APART.

YOURCHILDREN GREW AND YOU SURVIVED; YOUR MARRIAGE HELD TOGETHER

INFACT THE TESTS, STRESS AND TRIALS ONLY MADE IT BETTER!

THEJOYS OF BEING PARENTS SOON CAME TO GREAT FRUITION

FORGRANDCHILDREN BECAME A MOST WONDERFUL ADDITION

JORDANWAS BORN IN ’83 THE FIRST TO CLAIM HIS PLACE

JARVISCAME NEXT IN 85; WITH JUST THE CUTEST FACE

DEC1985 AND SARAH WAS #3

IN 88WE ALL REJOICED WHEN STEVE WAS ADDED TO THE TREE

ITWAS 1990 WHEN TYLER JOINED THE CREW

APRIL‘91 DYLAN WAS ADDED BY HIS PAPA DREW

AUGUST‘91 KELLI CAME FORTH AND BROUGHT SUCH GREAT DELIGHT

WHENJAREN WAS BORN IN ’92 HIS SMILE LIT UP THE NIGHT

JAN’93 DONOVAN SHOWED UP TO PLAY HIS PART

INJUNE ADENA BROUGHT GREAT JOY TO HER DADDY’S HEART

IN1996 THE FINAL GIFT ARRIVED;

THEYOUNGEST PAGET, ISAAC WAS NOW VERY MUCH ALIVE

THEROOTS ARE GROWING DEEPER; THE FRUIT IS APLENTY

GREATGRANDCHILDREN ARE ARRIVING; RYDER THE FIRST OF AT LEAST 20!!

YOU’VEWALKED THIS ROAD TOGETHER; ENTWINDED AT THE HEART

YOU’VECLIMBED THE MOUNTAINS, WALKED THE VALLEYS

SIDEBY SIDE AND NEVER LONG APART

NOWWE STAND BEFORE YOU, THE TREE THAT WILL NOT BREAK

WEHONOR, WE ADORE YOU….AND WHO DA THUNK? IT ALL STARTED WITH BLAKE!!

Now would you kindly excuse me as I continue my race to make all things as perfect as possible for our honoured guests this weekend ~ Bob & Adena Paget ~ My WONDERFUL, PRECIOUS AND GREATLY ADORED PARENTS!

Blessings be yours today as you think about the special people in your own world! ♥ LR

If seeing is believing...

2012-01-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

I see it!
I see what has become different!
I see the changes!
I see healing!
I see newness!
I see forward movement!
AND
I feel it!
I feel the space from then to now!
I feel the exhilaration of goals reached!
I feel the difference within my being!
I feel the shedding of old and the covering of new!
I feel the hope of forward movement!
AND
I live it!
I choose to rejoice in the change!
I choose to accept the new!
I choose to embrace the light!
I choose to dance with new strength!
I choose to live free in the forward movement!
AND
I love it!
I love the new me that is here!
I love the letting it all go feeling!
I love the distance of heart that can actually be measured!
I love the lighter load!
I love the ongoing steps in the forward movement!
AND
If seeing is believing, I can now believe!
If feeling brings new hope, I can now achieve!
If Living gives new freedom, I can now be Free!
If Loving moves me forward, the future, now I see!

Two major milestones were reached this week. Both completely unrelated. Both I have been striving after. Desiring change. Desiring freshness. Desiring hope. Desiring tangible, touchable, life altering change.

The first; a heart altering change that involves a friend, a wall and a changed spirit! Was that really me with her? Where were the walls I built over the years? Where was the jealousy? Where was the envy? Where was my defensive spirit? Where was my gavel of judgement?

For YEARS, absolute YEARS, I have wanted to be a different person. I knew my faults. I knew my short comings. I knew my evil heart. I knew. I desired change. I prayed for change. I hoped for change. I faked change. I cried for change. I sought after change. I so desperately wanted to be different, completly and truly different!

And then...there it was! I was different! I had changed! Real change! Pure of heart change! What freedom to finally see a new me! What a blessing to look back and see the miles covered! To know the old was gone and the new shining brightly! I Believe!

If seeing is believing, I can now believe!
If feeling brings new hope, I can now achieve!
If Living gives new freedom, I can now be Free!
If Loving moves me forward, the future, now I see!

The second; A health altering change that involves the battle of the bulge! I went on a juice cleanse for three days this past week that pushed my inner workings into a bit of a healing crisis.

After researching and setting up an appointment with a health professional I have hope of complete healing with the weight and health that I have battled for EVER! There are too many facets to this life altering change to share it all now.

BUT, I did want to share the exuberance of heart that I am feeling as I go forward with this health altering change! Something I have prayed for. Sought after with diligence. Hoped for. Cried for. Something I so desperately wanted to be different. Something I have beat myself over for far too long.

And now...There is hope! I see change! I Believe!

If seeing is believing, I can now believe!
If feeling brings new hope, I can now achieve!
If Living gives new freedom, I can now be Free!
If Loving moves me forward, the future, now I see!

Blessings to you today as you measure the distance you have travelled ♥ LR

Home sweet Home

2012-01-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

We have been in our new digs for just over 4 months now. Yesterday as we were cleaning our little abode I was struck with the gut wrenching, heart breaking moment of not being home.

Every box we brought with us has been unpacked and there is a space for everything we own. There was debate this would be possible when My Man arrived with ALL our belongings mid september. I thought we had sold pretty much everything we owned. And then...he opened up the door to the big truck. OY! Really? We kept all that? Surely you collected stuff on your trip over here! But, alas...Nope! It was all the treasures I couldn't part with when we started our down-size to a simpler life.

Unloading the truck was both a treat and a trek! We took our time...3 days to be exact! And did what every redneck does...got'er done!!

It was so wonderful to have my lovely red dishes that a dear friend had given me as an early christmas present. I unpacked each with joy in my heart and a smile on my face as I pictured her at my side helping me.

My cherished china that I have the privilege of calling mine. I have 4 different sets. YES, 4! Each set has a story. Each story has a special place in my heart. As I Unwrapped each piece I was taken to another place and time, with a very special someone from my life now past. I was oh so very glad that the China made it safely, nothing broken and found it's home once again in my china chest.

The picture chest. AHHHH the delightful chest that weighs 300lbs (or something close to that!), full of memories from my childhood, my wedding, the births and lives of my three wonderful sons and a cumulative 26 years of school keepsakes! The chest itself earned its own right as a 'keeper', it was custom made with such love by the hands of a dear, dear great uncle of mine, Peter Vogt. The delightful memories of so many years passed had arrived in my world again!

It isn't just what the chest holds or the history of it. It is also what took place each time it was opened over the years. With my boys at my side, how many times we went through that wooden crate. Their wonderful questions, the relayed stories and our family memories shared those days are absolutely priceless. And then of course the times we went through it with a girlfriend or two. Because of these memories....I cherish each time I must now go through it alone.

Memories. Blessed. Sweet. Precious. Wonderful. Bittersweet.

I was happy to have my red electric kettle, the toaster oven, wine glasses, utensils, a garbage can, wall pictures, the couches and my Mexican furniture. Bringing it all in and unpacking felt somewhat like Christmas. Fitting it in was a different story.

We did it. Then I reorganized. Then we shifted. Then we got rid of a couple of items we really did not need. Then I re-arranged. Then we replaced some of the things we got rid of in Alberta and reorganized again. Until finally...I could look around and say 'Well done'! On occasion, I have missed some of the 'stuff' we let go of in Alberta...but then I remind myself; it is just 'stuff'. The memories are held deep in my heart for all time.

Cue yesterday and our cleaning house. It is not the first time we have cleaned our borrowed home...not by any means! But it the first time I needed the counter stool that had been tucked in the corner of the master bedroom. I needed it cleared off of its contents. The contents that had been laid to rest since October! The items I didn't touch, dust, adjust or cover up.

Now remember, I said all the boxes were unpacked? Everything had a place and everything was in its place? Well...mostly that was true. Except for this one stack of untouchables. This one stack that would finalize our move from Alberta to British Columbia. These few items that would push me that one final step to a new lifestyle, new beginnings, new adventures. Putting these few articles where they belonged would make our new little abode home. ....right?

If home is where the heart is
than my home must be with you
For wherever you reside, I want to be there too.

I want to be in your presence
no matter what it costs
I would give it all up, even though the price is lots!

There is just one wee problem
that prevents the follow through
It's that my heart is torn in pieces, at least three or two.

And so I must remember now
the heart that named me mom
must learn to let you fly and soar, To each that I call Son.

And now dear readers (I want to call you 'droplets'!☺) do you know what the last remaining items were, Waiting to be placed in their 'permanent' home? The stack of untouchables that caused so much heart ache, tears and a huge sense of not letting go?

....Pictures of my children. Cherished, framed, lovely, precious, adorable and down right good looking pics of my three handsome, wonderful and dearly missed boys. The pictures that I had actually arranged on the floor in front of the wall they were to be hung. They were to be in our bedroom, greeting me as I rose each morning and looking on for our good night wishes at the end of each day. I didn't realize it then...but I completely understand it now. I stacked those pictures away that day in October because I was tired and told myself I would hang them tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. Well, actually many tomorrows did come! Just not the Tomorrow that saw the pictures in their new home.

Maybe now. Now with new understanding, new realization and new strength. Now is the time to let them go just a wee bit more and accept the miles between us. Now is the time to embrace the change that has come! Now is the time to say 'Welcome Home' dear heart.

Will you please do me a favour and ask me next week how the pictures on my bedroom wall look. Hopefully I will be able to say 'absolutely wonderful'!

Blessings to you as you cherish the home where your heart resides ♥ LR

A house is built with boards and beams; a home is built with love and dreams

The Lion-Hearted

2012-01-05T10:00:00.000-08:00

When I think of COURAGE I think of Lions, and.....

The courage of a Lion

The terminally ill.
My aunt who passed away many years ago.
My sister-in-law (the first close family member to move away from our home town).
My Man.
A friend who has taken on her ex in the courts without a lawyer.
My parents who have beat all odds and are still together after 54 years of marriage.
A number of young people who have NOT bought into the destructive lifestyle so prevalent in our society
a number of couples I know who are fighting the good fight and staying committed to one another.
Three specific men who overcame the disease of alcoholism; one for decades now, one for about a decade and one for under two years.
A senior cousin (2nd to me I think) riddled with disease, family heartache and mental illness.

As I started this list, I honestly thought there were only a few that I felt were truly courageous. I am surprised, pleasantly so, at the number of people who are coming to my mind and heart. I know alot of courageous, wonderfully strong, determined individuals and I simply cannot list them all here! Bless you each and everyone today and the year to come (you are in my prayers)!

Courage(eous) is a new word for me. I am hearing it more often. I am contemplating its meaning.

noun

the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

At different times in our life we are all faced with various trials, struggles, temptations, fears, pains, difficulties, stresses, illness of one degree or another, loss, and challenges.

It is what we do in the face of adversity that defines our level of courage.

The lion stalks, the lion roars and opens wide his jaw
He is the King of all the beasts; and rules without a flaw.
when he is challenged in any way he swipes a powerful claw
The pounce and kill with courage bold; shows he is jungle law!

When you feel stalked and hear a roar don't turn and run with fear
Find courage buried deep within to face what brought you here
The battles may be many, the challenges splashed with a tear
Stand fast dear heart and hold on tight, for the King of ALL is near!

We always have a choice. We can choose to be courageous. We can choose weakness. I am not telling you it is easy. I am telling US it is worth it! It is worth it to swim up stream. It is worth it to stand out in a crowd. It is worth it be in the minority.

It is difficult! But the greatest rewards come from the work it takes to 'shine'

diamonds in the rough

The painfully polished result!

I have never thought myself to be one with courage. Have never used the word 'courageous' to describe me before. And then..My Man told me I was.

Having someone believe and voice that I am courageous has unleashed a whole new level of strength that was buried deep within. It has been a catalyst for new resolve. New power. New goals. New attitude. New heart. New ideas.

One simple sentence whispered in the night
While My Man did hold me tight
His love-filled words filtered through the dark
and left a most delightful mark!

When was the last time you told someone they were courageous, strong or brave? How about telling a friend they were an inspiration to you? Is your best friend your hero? Tell them so!

Your words of affirmation could be the very thing they need to unleash their own courage!

Bless you in the brilliance of your day today ♥ LR

Happy New Year

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

New Year. New Beginnings. New hopes, dreams, wishes, plans, desires.

I love that we are given so many opportunities to start fresh. Start over. Begin again.

A new year. A new Month. A new Week. A new Day. A new Hour. A new minute. And yes, even a second can bring about a newness!

My Man and I are motivated! We have a PLAN! We re-vamped our schedule. Re-worked our routine. We spent the day encouraging one another to strive for something better and not to settle for less. We outlined our goals. We shook off the desperate. Washed away the grimy. Forgave the past. We allowed hope to shine. Faith to bloom. Belief in self and God to flourish.

I love when we spend our day like that. It gives me a sense of power over all that is negative. It allows a winning attitude within. It brings on new resolve to rise above and out of my normal. To shake off the comfortable, the lazy, the weak, the grief, the worry, concern, stress, illness. It fills my heart with strength and gives my spirit wings.

And then....I stepped out of my bubble.

Reality can be hard and cruel and ruthless and negative and tough and deflating. I think I hit the *RESET* button 20 times last night as I was giving the day to God and praying for sleep to overtake my busy and insane brain!

It wasn't a devastating kind of reality; it was just enough to take the wind out my sails for a time. Just enough to bring me to my knees. Just enough to remind me that strength to do all things comes from the One with greater strength than I. Just enough to remind me that I still have much work to do in being the Me I was created to be!

J esus at the start
A nnouncing new resolve
N ewness
U ncovering
A rrival
R enewal
Yesterdays gone!

Blessings to you today as you move into newness! ♥ LR

RESET

2012-01-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Often times. Frequently. LOTS. I find myself on a path or going a direction I shouldn't be.

A Path where the road signs are blurred, broken, missing or meant for someone else. The scary thing is...I chose the path I was on! I looked at the directional signs that said "Go this way if you are Ruth Less" (or whom ever!). I looked, I read, I looked again and saw "Go this way if you are ~~Ruth Less~~ Robyn Movold"!

It is a difficult route. A rocky path. An uphill climb. It does not work for me!

When I am in tune with my inner self. My centre. The core of what makes me me.... I find I am only on the wrong path for a short while. I hit the *RESET* button and search for the right direction. The path truly intended for Robyn Movold!

I remember using the word 'STOP' when I was battling with social anxiety in my life. In the midst of a panic attack I would say the word 'stop', first in my head and if that didn't work I would say it out loud. This exercise was key to moving beyond the fear that I felt every time I was heading into a social situation. People in my life now can't believe I could ever have suffered so greatly from the disabling disorder of social anxiety/phobia. I overcame it! (you may read my entry about my battle with Social Anxiety ~ 'My Girlfriend Tells Me - It's Not All About Me' dated August 3/11)

Now my word for retraining, reprogramming, redirecting is *RESET*. I use this word when I am confused. Hurt. Scared. Lonely. Worried. Stressed. Depressed. Today, I share this as I have had to apply it to my writings. It is because I *RESET* and think about who I am that I have been able to write again. I have to consciously tell myself the reasons I write. The reasons I blog for many to read.

Sometimes I think about my present audience. Sometimes I think about the potential audience. Sometimes I think about the readers I will have in the future. And although it is a very good idea, when writing, to consider your audience; It isn't a good idea to write to please them.

Honesty is lost if I write so you will like me. Truth is buried if I write to please you. Pureness of heart is tainted if I strive to make you happy. All for the desire of a large readership. I am not willing to pay that price.

*RESET*

My journey of the past 8 months and as we head into a brand new year... A journey of being ME! The me that I was created to be. The me that I am at the very core of my being. What centres me. What strengthens me. What makes me tick.

Being ME and hitting the *RESET* button on a daily basis is what allows me to be vulnerable. It is what drives my honesty. It is the truth that I willingly wear. It is the touch to a shoulder. It is the random hug given. The smile to a stranger walking by. It is the generosity that I usually can't afford to give. It is the 'others first' mentality that gets me in far too much trouble. It is the openness of heart that visually stuns some I meet.

There is no hidden agenda. There is nothing to second guess. I wear my emotions and feelings, and usually my thoughts as well, on my sleeve for all to see. Life is to short to be closed hearted!

I like who I am! I like the real deal of Robyn Movold! AND, I like striving to please the One who made me. The ME I am intended to be. NOT living my life to please man.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirts. ☺ (unfortunately I do still wear those t-shirts at times....)

I will likely wear out a few dozen or so *RESET* buttons as life continues...but it isn't going to prevent me from hitting it!!

What is it about you that makes you tick? What is at the very core of your being? Who were you designed to be? Are you living the real deal?

Blessings to you today as you live honestly! ♥ LR

In The Evening.....

2011-12-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

It felt so amazing to write again. What a switch to my inner most being once I hit the 'publish' button. We all have a purpose. When we are living life according to that purpose, peace comes. Our purpose can and does change depending on circumstances, times, relationships, age, decisions, events and seasons.

Two days ago I listed all my dreams, desires and wishes in my prayers to God. I don't do that very often. I have never been a very good dreamer as I do NOT like disappointment or failure. Yesterday, before I wrote I felt like I would never be granted, given or be blessed with any of my dreams coming to realization. Today...ALL things are possible!

When my head nestles into my pillow at night
When my man wraps me into himself, holding tight
When I allow darkness to blanket and take over the light
It is then that I trust that all is so right.

When my breathing settles and my mind starts to slow
When I let each thought, each remark, each action...go
When I forgive; it is for others and self, this I know
It is then that peace comes and worry does go.

When I lay there in quietness and allow love to be
When I look to the stars and they twinkle at me
When I wonder inside what the Future does see
It is then that gentleness comes, I am free.

When I end the day the same way it began
When I offer it to God and in no way to man
When I let it all go and trust in His plan
It is then I accept His love...because I know I can!

Blessings to you today as give it all back to Him ♥ LR

In the Morning....

2011-12-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

Jumping in to the middle seems to work best for me. No explanation. No apologies. Just SPLASH!

When I began Blogging in July I was at a very high point of emotion. Very positive. With Direction. Purpose. Desire. It was relatively easy to write. To Share. To bring you into my world.

I have been desiring to blog, to write again. It is in me to write. Often I have things, ideas, thoughts, dreams and events I formulate into the beginnings of a blog. I have attempted many times over the last couple of months to begin again. And then I come here...to my laptop and I stall out. I freeze. My mind goes blank.

I know why.

I am weak. I don't do vulnerable well. I am not seeking 'help'. I am struggling.

I don't like to share when I am here....

I have tried so many ways to pull myself out of where I keep falling. It is time to turn to pen and paper, Heart to Keyboard. Pouring out all that I am. Believing that I am loved no matter the journey I am on. Believing a key purpose of this journey, this life, this heart is to lay it out for many to see. Not because I am unique, special, one-of-a-kind, different (although I most certainly am all of those things!) I write and am called to share because YOU too have struggles. YOU too are on a journey, a path. A life of joys, delights, treasures, pain, sorrow. grief, struggles, successes and failures. YOU too begin each day fresh & new, desiring to make it a better day than the last. Desiring to bury yesterday and move forward with new resolve, promises and hope. WE are so different from one another and yet we are so much the same....

In the morning when I open my eyes
I give my attention to the heavenly skies

I offer myself, my day and my heart
To the one who gifts me a brand new start

I search for the hope that lies there within
And seek for His peace He offers again

I can't do the time set before me once more
I cry out to Him before my feet hit the floor

As the sky comes to light and lets go of the night
I focus on promise and let go of the fright

As I lazily stretch and become aware of the day
I open up heart, soul and spirit as I continue to pray

His love, peace and mercy reach out for my heart
pouring out grace and strength as I make move to just start.....

Blessings to you today as your feet hit the floor ♥ LR

Is Your Consent Form Completed?

2011-09-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

To believe and consent to be loved while unworthy is the great secret.

I didn't know why I couldn't consent to God loving me until two days ago.

Two days ago, I had a revelation that I never felt, never believed that God could forgive me of my past mistakes. Past wrongs. Past sins. I never accepted the forgiveness. I never forgave myself.

Consequently, I didn't believe God could truly love me.

30 years in the North American Christian Church and I didn't believe God loved me. A place where Gods love is preached. A place where there is often an outward display of love being exemplified. A place where church attenders are taught that 'God is Love'. He does love because that is what and who HE is.

God forgave. God forgot. God loved.

God forgave me. I forgot to forgive myself. I couldn't accept the love He offered.

My Bible read "For God so loved the world (except for Robyn) that he gave His only son....."

God heard the prayers of the faithful (except mine). God answered prayers all the time (just not mine).

I came to accept it. I saw it daily. I felt it. I lived it. I believed it. I was conscience of it. I was very aware. It was a thought I pondered often.

I was unlovable. God didn't love me. Couldn't love me.

I didn't love me. Couldn't love me. I was unlovable.

I believed this to be a fact. The truth. The way it was. The way it would always be.

And then came June 8, 2009. It was my darkest hour since June 14, 2007 @ 5:25pm.

It was the moment I decided I was done. I wasn't going to do this 'life' any more. I couldn't. I didn't have what it took to take the next step forward. I decided to stop. Not continue. Not heal. Not move on.

I cried out in pain. I cried out in agony. I cried out in desperation. I cried out in complete surrender.

God had a different plan. He had a new message. He had something to say to me. He had a life line. He had a way out.

I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

On that bleak and despairing day, I heard the still quiet voice of God. I took a baby step forward and fell into His arms.

For the first time EVER I felt God's love washing over me. Pouring down like rain. Soaking the dry and the parched. Flooding the empty. Filling the void.

It took some time for the reality to soak in (pun intended!). But soak it did. Drenched. Flooded.

My heart started to refresh. Renew. Hope. Believe. Mend. Heal. And receive.

I allowed Gods love. I consented to being loved. I accepted love.

The journey I had been on my whole life changed in an instant. I knew love. And it was beautiful.

The grief journey I had been on for two years took a turn for the better as I allowed, as I gave permission for God to love me.

Two days ago I realized that by consenting to God loving me; I had started to love myself. I was elated as I realized for the first time since I was 16 years old I had truly forgiven myself. Some where along the way, along the path I walked........ I let go, and let God.

Bless you today as you give it up and consent to be loved by God ♥ LR

Missing US

2011-09-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

No matter how much I try to believe it. Want to believe it. Strive for it. Claim it to be so.

It is simply not true. I can not think it into existence. I have tried to make it happen.

I have failed.

There is a reason My Man and I have been together for just over 32 years.

Neither one of us does 'alone' well. We are not independent of one another. We are needy for each other. We not only like us; we miss us, we need us, we live best when we are us. WE don't do I or me well at all!

We fail at independence.

I often play the part of an independent 21st century kinda gal. I can come across as needing no one and relying only on self. At times I played the part so well I almost had myself convinced that I could do this life alone.

The last couple of months My Man and I have been apart more than we have been together.

He has been closing the book on our past.. Packing, hauling, working, finalizing, ending, selling and sealing.

32 years of us. 28 years of raising a family. 24 years living, working and being part of an amazing community. 12 years in one house; our last Alberta home.

I am in a new land. Opening a new book. Establishing the beginnings. New job. New home. New friends. New lifestyle. Setting the foundation for the next 32 years of us.

We have been taking care of the necessary. Trying to live in the moment; wanting to enjoy the journey. Thinking we are independent and can do life as a single person.

We can't and nor do we desire to.

It is time to be us again. I don't want to walk alone. I don't want to eat alone. I don't want to shop alone. Drive alone. Cook alone. I certainly am done sleeping alone! I don't want to dream alone. I don't want to move forward alone. I have explored our new surroundings as much as I am going to without My Man at my side. I don't want to experience any more island life alone.

I wasn't designed to be alone. I was created to be one of two. I am okay with that design.

I am aware there are many things that we are capable of as individuals. Many traits, personalities, quirks, habits and hobbies that we like about ourselves. That make us who we are. We are different & unique from the other with various talents and gifts. But yet, when we are together, when we are us; truly, completely us...we meld, mould, work as one so well, that we often don't see where one begins and the other ends.

We are counting down the days when we will live under the same roof again. If all goes well, we will be in each others arms in 5 days! (insert big time happy dance here!)

We aren't kids any more. We don't live in a fantasy world. We have been dealt enough reality to know what is up ahead. We have had 32 years experience of reality.

When we come together it will be glorious....for a time. It will be wonderful, romantic, special. Full of adventure and excitement. So much to see. So much to explore. So much more work to do. So many hours and days of adjusting to one another again.

We will slowly dismantle the haphazard independent life we have been struggling through. There will be discussions, arguments, tears and even out right fighting (NO, not physical! But definitely bigger than just an argument!). I know this because over the years, we have been here before.

We will talk it through. We will hug it out. We will alter our stubborn minds. We will soften our hardened hearts. We will pour out love on one another. We will snuggle and cuddle. We will make it work once more. I know this because over the years, we have been here before.

We will let the knowledge of our commitment to one another wash over us until the depth and purity of our love floods our hearts and brings unity once again.

Once again filling our daily existence with..... us!

May today hold blessings of great measure in your relationships with loved ones; whether it be spouse, children, parents or friends ♥ LR

Yesterday

2011-09-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I didn't have a very good day yesterday.
Actually, I haven't had a very good week.

I cried more than I breathed.
I stressed more than I prayed.
I wallowed in darkness more than searching for the light
I worried.
I fretted
I agonized.
I allowed negative to consume me.
I allowed loneliness to cover me.
I allowed weakness to have power.
I forgot who I was.
I forgot who I had become.
I forgot who was living within me
I forgot that I no longer live to please people
I forgot how to let it all go.
I became overwhelmed.

Will you forgive me for reverting back to the victim mentality that I lived for four long years. That's what happened yesterday. That's how things started out on Monday.

I was reminded once more, that I don't do well without input from my support system; my cherished friends and amazing family. I don't do alone well. I need, crave & desire positive affirmation. My confidence seems to be based on 'good for you' words.

It is because of this basic need within my spirit that I am a people pleaser. Yup, tis true! I spent years, pretty much my whole life, striving to make everyone in my world happy. At all costs.

If I could make others happy, if I could put their needs before my own, if I could make them feel special; I was awarded with 'thank you's', smiles and words of praise. It felt good. It boosted my confidence. I felt on the right track. I was going in the right direction.

I did a lot of things for people that I shouldn't have. At times I compromised my values. My morals. My health. My bank account. My faith. My convictions.

I was filled with such a great need to please some people SO much that I put my children, my marriage, my friends, my family and my God in a place of pain, embarrassment, shame and hurt.

Why? When I loved them all so much, why could I neglect them as I turned to please others. Why is it so easy to do the things we don't want to do. The things we know is not right.

Romans 7:9 says it perfectly; For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want

Yesterdays writing came from an old place. A place of pleasing others. A place that pushed new self to the back burner. A place that forgot who I had become in Christ.

A place that left out "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honoured by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." Psalm 46:10, As well as "Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD" Psalm 27:14

As I wrote, I thought of what some of my readers may be thinking and less of what God may be thinking or wanting from me. Less of Him and way too much of others; way to much of the old ME!

I woke up weak. I rose negative. I walked with a heavy heart. I allowed the tasks before me to weigh me down. I forgot to look up and give up. I forgot what it meant to not take back once an attempt to give was made.

I forgot who I was living for, striving for, writing for. I forgot the simplest truth. I forgot the easiest path in life. I forgot that by pleasing only One; I would be pleasing to and for others.

Yesterday I forgot but today it comes to mind,
that living life for others is not the best kind.
Yesterday I woke with worries, with problems on my heart,
I allowed the stress and troubles to prevent a happy start.

Yesterday the burdens were many; the struggles weighed me down,
I wasn't able to process in my head without a frown.
Yesterday I walked away from peace and fell into despair,
a blanket of darkness shrouded me and nothing in life felt fair.

Yesterday I anguished and left God out of the mix,
Even though my spirit knew it was easy for Him to fix.
Yesterday I needed confidence and hungered after praise,
And so in my weakness I fell into a past phase.

Yesterday was brutal; I feel beat up and sore,
Today I have every intention of making even the score!
Yesterday is over and no more to pull me back,
Today all things are new and I am standing on track!

Yesterday was yesterday; today is what is now,
the old is buried deep again; I was reminded how.
This day is all brand new for me and direction is before
Each step I take I hope you see I need to please Him more!

Blessings be yours this day as you remember to look up and give up ♥ LR

Prepare to STOP

2011-08-31T11:23:00.000-07:00

It is day 5 in my new little community. 9 walks with my faithful 'muttski'. 2 trips to the spa. 4 trips into town.

15 times down Qualicum Road; 15 times obeying the sign.

We are trained, taught and expected to come to a complete halt when we reach a sign that looks like this.

It is advisable, strongly so, to look both ways before proceeding across the roadway, pathway or train tracks.

First to the right, then to the left and again to the right before crossing over and carrying on our way.

We stop because it is safe do so. It is expected. We do not have the right away. We are trained to. It is the law.

One small sign can bring the biggest of vehicles to a standstill. The fastest of drivers screech to a halt.

Even when no one is watching, we stop. When we believe to be all alone, we stop. When no one else is on the road, we stop.

Although I am a law abiding citizen; I have discovered it is difficult for me to stop at this particular sign, this intersection. I don't understand the 'why' of 'why do I have to'.

But then, really? How big of a surprise is it to read this about me? I like to know 'why' in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Why do you like me?
Why am I loved by you?
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you say that?
Why are you acting that way?
Why was it built there?
Why can't you just fix it?
Why can't I say that?
Why wouldn't you like me?
Why can't you understand?
Why can't they see?
Why do you have more?
Why do you have less?
Why not just move on?
Why not love?
Why did he have to go?
Why does she have 'walls' around her?
Why does it work that way?
Why not this way?
Why would you do that?
Why don't you communicate with me?
Why believe?
Why do you care?
Why do I care?
Why stop when I want to keep going?

Often time there are good, logical, wise answers to the many 'why's' in my head. Often times...there aren't any; there is no justifiable reasoning.

It is clear that at certain times in life I am not to ask why. I am to just do it! Just trust. Just believe. Just wait. Just S T O P.

Lately, I have been called to see the sign. To halt. To cease. To pause. To brake. To Stop.

Stop doing.
Stop fixing.
Stop making it all work.
Stop striving.
Stop fretting.
Stop worrying.
Stop stressing.
Stop asking.
Stop searching.

S T O P

No matter the intersection. No matter the busyness. No matter the emptiness.

S T O P

Even when it doesn't make sense.

S T O P

The intersection I write about is 2 feet from the corner of Mant & Qualicum. The train tracks cross over Qualicum and run parallel with Mant.

The train ceased operation in April of this year. The train doesn't run on the tracks that cross over Qualicum. Nothing does.

But 15 times in the last 5 days; I have stopped where the white line on road says to S T O P, where the sign at the side of the road says S T O P.

I stop and look both ways before proceeding. I ask myself why I should. I do it in obedience to the rules of the road. I do it because it is expected of me. I do it because I am a responsible driver.

I do it because I am new here. I do it because every other vehicle does it too. I stop because I am told to.

I see this sign as a valuable and much needed command for my life, today. This week. This month. This year. I am being asked to simply stop.

S T O P

And slow down.
Pause.
Don't ask why.
Just obey.
Look.
Listen.
Stop until the sign is removed.
Stop until it is time to move, time to go.
Stop even when it doesn't make sense.
Stop. Trust. Wait.

S T O P

The time is nigh for rest and restoration for my heart, my soul, my spirit, my mind.

Blessings be yours as you read & obey the signs set before you today ♥ LR

De-Bugged!

2011-08-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

OK! Bring on the rest. The sleep. The peace.

I have succeeded in cleaning every nook and cranny of our new house. Every closet. Light fixture. Window frame. Cupboard. And baseboard heaters.

I have set up our new mattress and box spring. Cleaned the sheets and fluffed the pillow. (Sad it is only one pillow that I have to fluff as my man is still in Alberta....for a time)

For the record.... I did not scream, run or freak out when I found the dead spider in my sheets the other morning. I simply shook the sheets outside and then washed them.

I also did not scream, panic or otherwise react when the live spider started creeping towards me from the sink I had my hands and berries in. And, let me add here....he was BIG!! The size of a quarter with a squish-able body. OK...so I don't know if the body was squish-able as I turned the hot water onto him and washed him done the drain. No squishing involved.

But let me tell you...this spider could swim! Against the hot spray pounding down on him he fought for his existence. I am sorry; I couldn't allow his existence. NOT in my sink. NOT in my kitchen. NOT in my house.

I have come a long way baby!!! I think of the black spider I found in my hand as I scooped out dirt, dust and little toys from the kitchen vent one day when the boys were quite young.

Now THAT was a sight to behold! I danced and shook, screamed and hyperventilated until my wonderful man came to my rescue only to discover the cause of such distress was PLASTIC! It may have been a little plastic black spider, but to this day I still shudder at the memory!

It's the little things that matter. Little spiders that hide until you are not looking and then voila....they are sitting next to you while eating your curds and whey!

Little mice that leave traces in every spot imaginable to show they are present.

Little beetles. Little flies. Little slugs. Little pests.

Little grievances. Little traits. Little habits. Little annoyances. Little quirks. Little words. Little communication.

Too often we over react to the little things in life. Experience, maturity & rational thinking help to keep the little.....little.

Sometimes small measure is a big deal! A little patience. A little understanding. A little compassion. A little love. A little faith. A little hope. A little can go along way.

It takes a wise soul, soft heart, discerning spirit and a calm head to remind us what are the little things that truly matter.

Listen
Intently
Take
Time
Love
Everyone

........just a little bit more today.

May your day be filled with pocketfuls of little blessings ♥ LR

♥JOY in the Morning♥

2011-08-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

a Plethora of emotions, thoughts and words flood my head as I sit before my laptop; fingers ready to click out a writing with desire to bless hearts, lives and self.

My mind rests on the brokenness of families whose hearts will never be the same as they bury, say goodbye to or just remember the lives that are no more....taken by the hand of the lives that are no more.

I cannot imagine the pain and hurt that consume those families; those mothers. My prayers are heaven sent with you in mind♥

My heart aches for others who have said 'see you on the other side'. Others who lived a full life. A life with joy, happiness, fulfilment, regret-free and full of great rewards. Lives that have been put to rest after many years in the day-to-day. I pray for lonely families that peace and comfort be with you♥

My heart cries out in understanding to those who grieve for lives lost in the blink of an eye. Those who weren't given a chance to say goodbye or see you later. The shattering of the heart that comes despite the buffering of shock. My desire would be for you to wait out the pain and look for light in the darkness that surrounds you...it does come♥

The confusion, the questions, the hurt, the anger that come to those who have lost precious people to sickness and disease....is met with like mindedness and heartfelt sorrow as I hold you close in my heart. Wishing for understanding and seeking comfort for your broken heart♥

It is because of the joy that blesses me this day, this time, this place, that my heart weeps for those who hurt. Those whose lives have been changed, altered, re-arranged.

It is the happiness that bubbles out of my pores the last few days that sends my mind to souls, spirits and hearts that are no longer complete. Wounded, broken, crushed, shattered hearts.

The sorrow that I ponder is not in punishment for the place that I find myself in today. Rather, it is the disbelief of my own heart, my own pain, my own hurt, my own brokenness, my own journey.

I am overcome with tears. With emotion. With Joy. With awe. With humbleness. With goosebumps!

As I look around me. As I listen. As I hear. As I see the wonder of creation. The wonder of what surrounds me. The glorious display of beauty. The uniqueness of this place, of this earth. I am awestruck.

And I am blessed.

Blessed to be on the other side of the darkness, the gut wrenching pain, and the grief that takes over every second. Fills every breath. Consumes every thought and affects every choice.

I am blessed.

Blessed with new strength. New hope. New desires. New faith. New dreams. New love. New beginnings.

With life comes death. With death comes life....if you so choose.

I have found great truth in the simplest of bible verses....

Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.

Yes, the night may be long, frightening and lonely. But endure. Move forward. Seek healing. Seek strength. Seek peace.

For a time I gave up. I stopped trying. I stopped moving. I hated. I wept. I acted out. I lashed out. I inflicted pain on others; and on self.

And then I took a wee small step outside of the blackest of nights.

It is in the light of day when JOY floods your soul, fills your heart and settles your mind.

Be blessed today dear one as you allow JOY to wash over you in the brilliance of the morning sun ♥ LR

Alberta in my rearview mirror

2011-08-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

This is big.
This is terrifying.
This is crazy.
Scary.
Exciting.
Faith-filled.
Lonely.

I have asked myself many times over the last week especially. WHAT ARE WE DOING?

And then when I think I just may not follow through,
When I think my emotion is just to much to handle,
When I think I am going to allow the fear STOP me...

This is what came up randomly TODAY on the facebook application; what God wants you to know....
'that you always have one last resort. When nothing else works, surrender to God, and let your faith carry you through.'

Yesterdays was just as timely.....

'you were created to be alive. You weren't made to simply survive until you die. Live it up, embrace life. This entire planet exists for all God's creatures ~ and that includes you! Don't wait to start living, begin right now, with your very next breath. There are many wonderful experiences waiting for you, so get going!'

I have always taken the words from this facebook application lightly but still believing there are no consequences. God can and does use all kinds of communication to get through to his people. Heck if His voice, His words can come from a burning bush....then, ya; I am going to consider the words and maybe even take them to heart once in a while!

Regardless of whether the words are truly from Him...they are true enough words. They fill me with positive energy and encouragement. It is time to 'get going, start living now and embrace life in its fullest'

I don't have all the answers. I don't have everything carefully laid out. I don't have any guarantees at the end of my drive and I don't have a 'how to be successful' for the beginning of our Island life.

And so today, I surrender all my apprehension. All my fear. All the lonely feelings. All the unchartered paths ahead.

And I reach deep within myself, my soul, my heart, my spirit and I remember what Faith is and how it looks.

I choose to go today believing that God is leading, God cares, God knows what is up ahead; he put it there!

At my darkest hour; God was there. Why would He not be present in something as exciting as embarking on a long time dream?

Therefore my friends when the car door shuts and the garage door opens,
I dwell not on the tears that fall, not on the grief that breaks the heart,
not on the empty house that echoed my departing footsteps.

I will not let fear shadow the brilliance of the day nor doubt to ride beside,
I will not allow wonderful memories to hold me prisoner
My eyes don't need to see, it is my heart that carries all the pictures.

As I travel west to the beauty rising up before me
To the mountains that proclaim Majesty; God is with you,
I am reminded that so long as I have Faith, I can do all things.

I dry my eyes once more; I sing along with the music that fills the car
I speak gently to the dog at my side and I thank God for the peace that floods my soul,
The mirror reflects what I will always hold onto; where the roots will forever be deep and my heart will always know as my Alberta Home.

What will you see in your rearview mirror as you go forth in faith?

Bless you today as you surrender to God, and let your faith carry you through ♥ LR

Please note that with the travelling and settling over the next few days ~ Healing Rain Blog will not be written until Monday the 29th of August. Take care my friends and family. Love to you all. LR

Great Boots!

2011-08-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

{Goodbye}

What a ridiculous word...today.

an oxymoron at times...like now.

When I looked 'Good' up in the dictionary, I was filled with positive, uplifting feelings.

With words like;

fresh, unspoiled, uncontaminated, valid, genuine, real, healthy, strong, vigorous, financially safe or sound, honourable, worthy, respectable, enjoyable, desirable, pleasant, happy, etc..

You can't help but feel...........um, well..........GOOD!

The word 'Bye' alone is just a word. A quick ending to conversation. A quick wave of the hand, a slight nod of the head, a small word that the dictionary says is only an abbreviation when used in context with departing. An abbreviation to the word on the butchers block today, {Goodbye}.

Today I don't see how you can mix the positive, happy feelings of 'good' with the smallness, yet final word of 'bye'.

Could we change it up a bit? How about 'good buy'? NOW that I like! Both those words fill me with happy emotions! I got a really 'good buy' on a fantastic pair of boots yesterday! Seriously...really 'good buy'! How does that sentence NOT fill you with joy? Puts a smile on your face, doesn't it!
☺
Nothing permanent about those words together; just stating a fact. The only way you can make it better is to change 'good' to 'great'! A 'great buy' on great boots! Again happy, positive feelings come when you say those words together.

Unfortunately the meanings of 'good buy' and 'goodbye' don't even come close to similar...

However, there are times when 'goodbye' does evoke happy.

After a bitter encounter with a difficult neighbour. An unsolicited sales person on the phone. An exhausted end to a long wait for vehicle servicing. The passing of a slow moving vehicle. A visit of endurance with a difficult family member. The ecstatic ending of a life long career. The closure and healing of brokenness. The release of all that is negative & oppressive.

I get that when you say {Goodbye} you are wishing the other person a happy, positive leave. Today, for me, it is just too much emphasize on the 'leave' and not much truth in the 'good'.

I search my heart, my mind, my head
For peace within when 'good' is said

The fact remains, I can't help but cry
When 'good' is followed with the word 'bye'

Last night, this month, yesterday, Monday
Blessings were poured out in a wide array.

Today friends, renewed friends and young ones too
Came out to wish us both 'adieu'.

The hugs and cards, gifts and such,
The fact you came meant so very much!

There is no doubt that 'good' is great,
With our hearts entwined and blessed by fate.

{Goodbye} the dictionary wants us to see
is simply short for 'God be with ye'!

When God is brought to the close of day,
& His blessings poured as we move away,

How can I not find the peace I seek
when changes cascade at the end of my week.

And so today I won't say {Goodbye}
Only "God be with ye". I have had my cry.

Blessings be yours as we part at this time,
thankful, so thankful for hearts entwined!

Love and blessings to you today; from my ♥ to your ♥ LR

Let Go....

2011-08-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

She is a reminder that I don't control it all.

I have done everything I can think of to make it right.

Of course if I knew what was wrong in the first place that would be very helpful!

I have questioned her and asked what I did that was so worthy of her hatred.

I even approached her husband and discussed it with him.

He is a nice man; calls me by name, says 'hi'

Her boys talk to me, smile at me even.

I have come to the conclusion that she is in my life to show that I can't control it all.

I can do all that I believe is right.

I can manipulate some situations, and if I am honest with myself; I can manipulate some people.

I can anticipate the actions of friends, family, customers, co-workers.

I can live according to others expectations and the expectations of our society.

I can live according to godly principles.

But I am reminded daily that I don't have ultimate control.

No matter how sweet I may be; I can't make all people like me.

No matter how much I give to others; I can't buy friendship

No matter how wise I may think I am; I can't make others learn from me.

No matter how much knowledge I may acquire; I can't make others hear me.

No matter how I live my life for God; I can't make others love Him.

I don't have control over all.

I have decided that I don't need the answers.

I don't need to know the why.

I don't need her love.

I don't need her acceptance.

I don't need her good wishes.

I don't have control over everything.

12 years of living beside someone who hates so openly. I have to believe that God allowed our horrid neighbourly relationship to teach me something.

It pleases me to know that I can walk away in a couple of days with a thankful heart for a lesson finally learned. I will walk away. I will shake the dust from my feet. I will stop wondering. I am done trying.

I have no regrets; I have peace. I am not in control.

There have been other events in my life that have also been reminders; I am not the one in control.

I don't have the ultimate wisdom. I don't have the ability to see into eternity or even into tomorrow. I am not privy to the 'hows' and 'whys'. I don't want that responsibility. I don't want that kind of control.

I have learned that when I give it ALL to God; He turns it ALL into something truly amazing!

I like that He is in complete control. Thank you Laura for reminding me!

Blessings and Peace to you today as you let go....and let God ♥ LR

Quick...Jump!

2011-08-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

Do you know why I write? Here.

I have asked myself that question a number of times over the past few weeks since I began.

I write from my heart.

I write with passion.

I write to clear my head.

I write to soothe my heart.

I write because I feel driven to.

I write to help make sense out of my emotions.

I write to help make sense out of what life throws my way.

I write to share my heart.

Mostly? I write because I am not the only one who has gone through,

is going through,

or will go through difficult times, days, events and challenges in ones life.

I don't write to have you feel sorry for me.

I don't write to have you fix everything (or anything) for me.

I don't write to make you feel sad or bad.

I don't write to preach or save or judge.

I DO write because it fills me with joy.

It encourages my soul, heart and mind.

It helps me to take time to reflect on the last 24 hours.

It helps me to put the last 24 hours in perspective.

It brings healing to my inner most being.

I write to share my life's experiences with you in hopes that YOU will be encouraged.

That YOU will be filled with joy.

That YOU will see life in a different light, a different perspective.

I allow my broken self to be revealed because I want you to know it isn't easy....this life;

But it is very do-able. It is possible. No matter the obstacles before me; before YOU.

We can press on.

When we are done surviving; done holding on for dear life.... We can Thrive!

We can move forward. We can live life to it's fullest. We can be truly happy.

A wise man in a kiddies park told me long ago,
that life holds many a trial and he wanted me to know,
That I can choose to tackle each hurdle on my track
the moment that it comes up without looking back.

If I decide to go around it; it is placed just down the road
waiting for the strength I seek to face it's heavy load.
Each time I skip that hurdle set in front of me
I put the gifts back on the shelf that will help to set me free.

Therefore, throughout my life, when challenges arise
I make a conscience choice to jump; and reach towards the prize
Putting off the inevitable never gets us very far
What is your next hurdle; how high is set the bar?

May my words today for you, give strength to run your race,
jumping over obstacles and helping to set the pace,
challenges are many and trials come oft tis true,
But don't look past the fact; jumping makes a better you!

Blessings be many as you run the race before you and strength be yours as you jump with all ya got! ♥ LR

Connected ♥

2011-08-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

Just like the mess around me; my computer screen stares up at me.
And again, just like the mess and tasks that surround me; I am overwhelmed.

Each morning I rise, without an alarm clock before 6am....usually,
Anxious to see what God has placed on my heart; laid at my fingertips
What words He encourages to bubble out from deep within to share here.

This morning I rose just after 7am.
I was discouraged to find that I woke with the heaviness of heart that I went to bed with.
And even more discouraged to find that the 50 minute noise of the dishwasher...has ended,
and I still have a blank computer screen before me.....

I have less than a week left.
I am overwhelmed with all that has been started,
burdened by the work not yet even begun.

I am grieving for our lives here,
clinging to the past.
The past that filled us, shaped us, moved us, made us.
the past that is fast becoming cherished memories.

I have concerns for our future.
We are leaving the most amazing support team
any one family could ever hope to have.

Who will we turn to in our new lives?
Who will support us at our weakest moments?
Who will encourage us to keep on keeping on?
Who will love us through the not so good times in our future?

I am not dwelling on the negative.
I have not become a doom-sayer.
I am not speaking failure into the universe.

I am simply wondering.
Simply contemplating life; life with it's good days and not so good days.
Life with the ups and downs.
Life outside of the rose coloured glasses.
Life in the half empty glass.
Life with a bag full of lemons; before the sweetness of sugar and the coolness of ice.

It is a harsh reality to realize; no matter how much I think I give of self to others,
That I take a great deal from some of the same.
It has hit me this morning that even at my strongest,
I have given my weakest to some amazing life long friends.

I may have moved away from some of the darkest moments ever imagined.
But I am very aware I have NOT accomplished any of it on my own.
I have given some of the worst that I could ever be or do,
to some of the best God created.
I call them heroes, angels, saints, family, friends.

I don't take lightly the love or generous hearts of others,
Every kind deed, sweet word, genuine hug, precious gift, minute spent and sip shared
has filled my own heart with healing, acceptance, friendship and unconditional love.

It is because you have loved so deeply and accepted me so freely that I find the strength once more
to look at the mess before me, to take a cleansing breath and jump back in.

I will continue to move forward.
I will remember that though our past is here,
There are many that will be our future as well.

Hearts don't need physical touch to stay connected;
Only Love! And love is spread; without thought of towns, province or country.

Pure love is not hindered by man built borders or distance of miles,
It flows freely and far. It settles gently and remains steadfast.
Pure love has no concern for time and does not worry about change.
Love that connected our hearts through our past,
Is a cherished love; a strong love; a love that will forever last!

Blessings be yours dear heart as I send pure love your way today ♥ LR

In Memory of....

2011-08-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

I was reminded again yesterday that life is short.

A vehicle accident took the life of a 51 year old man and left his 47 year old wife a widow.

This couple left our community after 10 years to retire early in their childhood home town. And then...not really to retire as they both just chose different, passion filled, dream type careers. 8 months later their dreams destroyed. Their chosen paths washed away. Lives drastically changed. Hearts forever broken.

In a most beautiful obituary that his now widowed wife wrote, from the depths of her soul. The broken place where she dug deep to pen the words. Where she, for a moment, put her pain away and wrote her final tribute to the love of her life. At a time when all she could do was cry. All she could feel was gut wrenching, can hardly breath, can't focus, aching emptiness type of pain. At a time when she wanted to turn to him and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. And yet her arms remained empty.

At this broken and wounded place she lay all her heart and her thoughts and her forever kind of love on paper. Not processing the words. Not caring what others may think. No thought to length.

She penned the words that her soul felt. She thought of others in his life. Others who held this man in high esteem with great respect, love and admiration. She took a moment from her own life altering grief and felt the pain of his family, his friends and his two young adult sons; her children.

In her writings she expresses with emotion more than words, her pride in all that her husband of 28 years accomplished. She is proud of his heritage. She is proud of his love of extended family. She is proud of his work ethic, his ability to provide for his family. She is proud of the children he raised, the boys who will remember fondly the father that loved them with every breath he took.

At this most shocking, life altering event this precious young widow searched her heart for words of comfort. Words she had heard many times in the last 28 years. Words that had got them through other tough times. Other times of grief. Other times of shock. Other times of loss. Words that he obviously lived by and encouraged others with. Words that describe the personality of her now gone husband.

"I know if he could say anything to us to make it easier, he would say better start putting first things first, cause when your hour glass runs out of sand you can’t flip it over and start again. Take every breath for what it’s worth. Don’t Blink."

My heart aches. I weep for her loss. I weep for the emptiness that envelopes her. I weep for her broken heart. I weep for the sorrow that only she can feel, the grief that no one else can truly share. I weep for her loneliness, I weep for her children, their empty and broken hearts, the future events they will not share with their dad.

And then I weep for myself in my 48th year, my own 51 year old husband of 29 years, my own two young adult sons and my own broken heart. I weep for the carefully laid out plans of our own dreams, our own newly carved path. I weep with sorrow. I weep with joy.

I hold onto the joy, the dreams, the goals, the excitement of the journey. The path that goes forward. I listen again to the voice of direction. I put fears aside. I take another step.

I was reminded again yesterday that life is short.....

What will you do different today?

Blessings be richly yours as you let go of all that doesn't matter and hang on to all that does ♥ LR

♥ A Blanket of Love ♥

2011-08-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

I have had the privilege of sitting at a table, various tables, various locations with some amazing people the last couple of months.

And sometimes there isn't even a table involved.

It is the amazing people that are on my heart this morning. The people and their words. Our topics of conversation. The discussing back and forth. The sharing of hearts. The intertwining of lives. The give and take of the relationship.

People from various walks of life. With numerous life experiences within their souls. Different ideas to be shared. Individual opinions and insights. Various levels of education. Everyone with knowledge and everyone with wisdom. Wisdom gleaned from all kinds of lifestyles, events and histories.

Amazing individuals that have become so interwoven into my life that sometimes I have trouble differentiating where one pure heart begins and where one veers. Where one is lost and where there is the blessing of one added.

If a blanket could be made with the fibers of each heart that has touched mine; What a glorious display that would be! The colors, the fibers, the lengths, the textures and the purpose of each....

Unique, varied, different.

Happy, sad, content.

Quiet, vocal, gentle

opinionated, wise, intuitive

lost, hurting, blessed

broken, grounded, centered,

loved, lovable, loving.

I love that my heart has been opened. Room made within. Walls torn down. Boxes destroyed. Boundaries have been reshaped, corrected and adjusted.

To reformat, rebuild, reshape the heart is an ongoing adventure. Sorting, tossing, revisiting. The work is difficult at times; seemingly impossible. And so very often too big of a task for one.

I have sought out the wisdom and experiences of others as I move forward into the different, the unknown, the renewing. Seeking direction. Hungry for approval. Searching for confirmation. At times desperately needing encouragement and praise.

I admit to some confusion as I have met with some of these amazing people. Confusion within my head, my heart. Wondering where to go from here. Desiring to take well intended advise and apply it...somehow. Desiring to please the wise, the loving, the gentle.

Obedience outweighs desire. It is comforting to realize, often times the two follow the same road, the same path, the same direction.

Uncharted territory is frightening. A reborn heart soft. The rebuilding of brokenness difficult. A renewed spirit flighty. Steadfast love important. To allow vulnerability; absolute necessity. To share it all with amazing people...A gift beyond the wildest imagination!

Bless you today as you interact with some amazing people ♥ LR

I Meant to do that....

2011-08-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize I had a bucket list until yesterday.

One of mine and hubby's favorite hobbies in the summer is strolling around Farmers Markets.

We go for our weeks worth of fruit and veggies. And most times we buy ourselves a wee treat.

Yesterday for me was a dozen potato and cheddar perogies from the Ukrainian Lady's trailer. I prefer the cottage cheese but they were sold out. Two hours into the 4 hour market and they were already gone. It didn't really matter as I had my heart (read stomach!) set on perogies and I wasn't going home without them.

I admit to wishing I still ate meat at every turn as I drooled longingly at the farmers sausage that was being sold a few booths down. But NO! I had to hold on to some sense of discipline and the sausage was easier to walk away from as it has been quite a few years now that I stopped eating pork. ....but still; the temptation reared it's smell in my face!

My husband doesn't fully understand the giving in to temptation. He gets tempted, don't get me wrong on that! But he is one of the most disciplined humans I have met and he just simply (more times than not) does not give in to the scents, sights and emotions of living in the moment.

And for me? The moment is meant for the living and I better take it all in before the next moment arrives and I find myself staring down another tantalizing treat!

Thankfully I am getting older, wiser & slower! I have learned that living in the moment without concern for consequences still brings about the consequences of each decision. It is becoming less and less of a temptation when I consider the after effects of my actions.

But back to the bucket list I didn't know I had.....

Here we are strolling through the market. My man walking down the middle anticipating my turns and stops. Me off to one side looking for my new favorite soap. Lilac soap; made all natural with the most delightful soft scent. Makes my skin all soft and sweet smelling. Makes me feel good about what it is I put on my body. And although I wouldn't...It is nice to know that I could eat it if I wanted to! Nothing on the body that you wouldn't put in your mouth; that is a hard and fast rule I strive to practice in my daily care of self.

I glance over my left shoulder to see if I can catch a glimpse of my man. He is there and has just stopped to talk to another avid market goer. He signals me over and introduces me to the gentleman he is talking with.

I don't talk as eloquently as I write at the best of times. I like to be prepared. I like to consider the source and the audience. I like to anticipate the possible scenarios and prepare for them. When the situation is perfect according to me than I don't roll it around in my head for hours, days and sometimes weeks later. Wondering what the heck I was thinking as I said what I said. Wishing I could go back and start over. Praying for do-over! What more can I say here? I don't like to be caught off guard...it is that simple.

At the instant that I was introduced to this fellow Marketer, I knew I was in trouble. What do you say to someone you have wanted to meet; hoped to meet and desired to shake hands with (okay...I really wanted to hug him and I so wish I could have had my picture taken with him!) for the last 15 years?

I didn't do too badly with my words. I know I didn't, because I slept last night instead of playing the scene over and over and over again in my head! It was an honor to meet the man. I was able to tell him that he has been my hero since before he was who he now was. It conjured up warm memories of days long gone and a life no longer lived.

We walked away from that chance encounter with smiles on our faces, tears in our eyes and love over-flowing from our hearts.

It was then I realized. I had a bucket list. Who knew? Who cared enough about every little desire, every tiny dream, every hopeful thought? As we walked away God whispered to my wounded, broken, taped up and mended heart.... ♪ I meant to do that ♫ And I truly felt that He had given us, once again, the go ahead to leave our Alberta home. He showed me the list I had unknowingly made. He crossed off the final dream of my Alberta Bucket List and showed me a new page ready for an updated list of dreams, desires, adventures and new beginnings.

It never ceases to amaze how God cares for me at every turn and stop when I allow Him to walk freely down the middle of this most unpredictable, unrehearsed adventure called life!

Blessings to you today as you ponder your own bucket list. May I encourage you to hand it over to God and let Him cross off each item listed? I believe He has your best interest, dreams and desires in His heart ♥ LR

I have hyperlinked the song 'I meant to do that' by Paul Brandt for you to listen to. This song was written by Paul when he was still a nurse at the Calgary Children's Hospital and had a life changing encounter with a young girl who had cystic fibrosis. Aimeelee passed away far too young from the disease, shortly after the song was written.

http://youtu.be/2TyGR61Kk2g

Harvest of Faith

2011-08-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Take the mustard seed size faith I offer up to you this morning,
In the stillness of the morning; with the birds singing their praises,
Where the sun is just now rising above the foothills before me,
And the faded blue morning sky holds hope of warmth for the day.

With my heart speaking promises that you layered with your love,
I plead with you to pour living water on the tiny seed of faith offered up,
I sit in the quiet; listening for your voice. The squawking of doubt penetrates,
And my head attempts to battle against the peace within my heart.

In honesty I offer the worries & fears of this wounded world,
I give to you my lack of understanding and my confusion at what is here,
I give you my heavy heart, burdened with compassion for others,
I give to you what is seen, heard & felt with human emotion, human sight.

Destruction, illness, disease, pain, hurt, loneliness, sorrow, grief, dysfunction, drunkenness, anger, hatred, abuse, selfishness, greed, cruelty & death. Wounded, broken, hopeless, faithless hearts.

With my arms outstretched, my hands lifted high, I cry out for your touch,
I hunger for your nail scarred hands to lift me to your chest,
Aching for your presence to wash away the sorrow that floods our earth,
Pleading for healing, begging for wholeness, seeking peace to fill these human hearts.

I pray with mustard seed size faith that you would pour your healing rain upon our land,
Wash away the filth and the sorrow. Water the seeds that your children offer to you,
Fill our hearts with your living water and flood our souls with your love filled spirit,
Penetrate the walls, the boxes, the buildings we have built and Rain down upon us.

Touch each one with God sized surprises, with God breathed miracles and God blessed gifts.
As I enter into a brand new day, at the end of a long week and the beginning of what You have planned,
I look in wonder at the sprouting of my little mustard seed and anticipate a field of blessings,

A harvest so brilliant, a presence so vibrant, a hue so intricately woven that one will not know where it begins and where it ends.

Only that it is.

Faith-filled blessings to you today as God pours healing rain on our dry land. ♥ LR

Bedtime Secrets

2011-08-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

I am very thankful for the act of over-fueling.

I have a few 'tanks' or 'vessels' in my life that require fuel on a regular basis. We all do.

Not just one and not just from one source. I am mutifaceted.

The most obvious of course would be fuel for the physical body ~ Food.

I am looking forward to sharing my new lifestyle choice with you in the future; this blog is not about food.

Another source of fuel for the physical body and I believe, a big part of the emotional tank ~ is Sleep.

7-8 hours of sleep every 24 hours is crucial to our daily existence. However, sleep is also not the topic for today.

I could write for hours on the spiritual tank that requires re-fueling on a daily, hourly and sometimes minute by minute basis. But that too is for another entry.

The emotional tank is also multifaceted. We need various kinds of fuel to keep our emotional state healthy. Fuel for peace. Fuel for patience. Fuel for kindness. For friendship. compassion. understanding.

We fuel each of these tanks by receiving the same from others. and vice-versa.

When you are offering up peace to those around you; you fuel your peace tank. It will never run out if you keep using it. Give out kindness and your kindness tank will be refueled. When you are a friend; you have friends. When you show compassion it returns to you at your greatest need. When you strive to understand those around you; others become understanding of you. When you put forth a positive attitude; you receive positive back from those around you. When you pour out love to all; God pours in love, abundantly to you! He over flows your tank with amazing love.

Last night as I lay in bed listening to both the dog and my husband breathing in their sleep, I was both sadened and frustrated. The frustrated part is easy....I am blessed as they are both quiet sleepers; VERY quiet. Usually. Last night was different for some reason. Frustration kept me awake long enough to ponder, to pray and to process.

The sadness came as I thought about my husband and I mere months before. Before when my comfort tank was full. Before when the best part of my day was getting in bed with my man. Before when I was held each and every night...yes, every night; pulled as tight as tight possible into the warm curve of my husbands body.

I have always had the need for touch. From my children, my friends, my family and mostly my man. In the early years it used to drive him crazy....he wanted more space way back then. I had a need to cuddle, embrace, feel his presence in my bed. It is the main reason I don't sleep well when I am away from him. I learned a couple of years ago that if he isn't in bed with me, I can put a pillow behind my back (I am a side sleeper), pushed up tight enough to feel the pressure and pretend (I have a great imagination!) it is his presence I feel.

My man has changed over the years. He is like the finest of wines and gets better, BIG time better, with age!

Many years ago we compromised with the 'need' versus 'no need' of bedtime touch. He is a back sleeper and I a side sleeper; he would take his right hand and rest it on my thigh. The warmth of his love radiated through out my whole body bringing comfort, peace and unconditional love as we drifted out to dream land.

In the last four years our need for touch, comfort and assurance that all is well in our world escalated. The hand on my thigh was not enough to ease my broken heart. It was no longer enough to send soul-mate vibes that everything in our world, our lives, our marriage was great. I no longer felt like I could take on the world with my man at my side.

We both needed more. At our most desperate time, God breathed peace, unconditional love, foreverness, comfort and completeness into our hearts and showed us how to manifest it with one another.

He gifted us with an amazing fuel for our love tanks.

I started to love going to bed. It was where the wrongness of the world disappeared. It was where the stress of the day didn't exist. It was where I was cherished. It was where I was comforted. It was where I found strength. It was where all my burdens were lifted. It was where I gave myself up completely and allowed the power of unexplainable, unconditional and unimaginable love to warm me and fill me and take over my head, heart, spirit and soul.

What is this magic fuel for the heart? It is the art of cuddling, snuggling or dare I say, spooning! The wonderful curve of my husbands body is a perfect nest for me to snuggle deep inside, with his arm wrapped around me and pulling me in tight. Holding me. Praying for me. Praying for us. He perfected this art and made my world a much better place. A safer place. A spiritual place. A place I don't like to leave and a place I can't wait to return to.

The fuel tanks for our love was filled to over flowing prior to my trip out west. Prior to the shattering of our comfort zones and well built walls. Prior to our organized day to day existence. Prior to God's intervention of our own plans and His Divine re-structuring of souls destined for greater things.

That was then, this is now. Thus the sadness last night.

Everything is a little off these days and all is not quite right in our world.

Neither he or I have the strength necessary to pour complete comfort into the other. We are barely surviving with our own personal basic needs. We have allowed stress and busyness, worry and fear, overwhelming thoughts and sheer exhaustion to burn the fuel we stored up in our hearts for the last few years.

Don't misunderstand me.

Our commitment to one another never wavers. Our marriage vows to one another are written in stone, blood, sweat and tears. Our lives together are for always and for ever. The road will never be to tough or to rocky, to windy, to hilly, to curvy, to broken or to non-existent. A broken road is NOT an option. Our joined hearts don't compute any other equation. We are joined at the heart, the alter, the soul, the spirit and literally the hip.

Why do I share this with you? Why put myself out there once again in a most vulnerable state. Share something as sacred, as private as a our bedtime rituals?

To encourage you. To encourage couples to pour out love into one another and watch your tank be overfilled with abundance. To encourage parents to fill the oft empty tanks of our children that have been depleted in a self-centered world. To let you know that despite turbulent tides; there is hope for an empty relationship, broken heart and a wounded family.

An empty tank can be temporary. Fuel is available. It is free. It flows abundantly. Love is not a toxic fuel. It is not depleted unless abused; but then that was never love to begin with.

If love is poured out enough...I have learned that it can be stored; for a time. Eventually it can dry up. But it can also lay dormant; waiting to be ignited. And it only takes a spark to start the fires of love into a burning inferno once again.

Will you please excuse me, somewhere in the disarray around me I have a lighter... would you like to borrow it when I am done? ☺

Blessings to you today as you re-kindle the love in your life and fill the emotional tanks of those around you. ♥ LR

Post-script January 20, 2011 ~ Over the last 5 months since our move to our island home, our love tank has been continuously receiving 'fuel' to the point that we are once again filled to overflowing with healthy, strong, amazing, wonderful and heartfelt love for each other!

And everyone says....awwwwwww! =)

Blessings be yours as you snuggle in deep with those that warm your heart ♥ LR

My little blue monkey

2011-08-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

I have a confession.

My mind is everywhere but on my writing this morning.

I am quite anxious today. Actually very anxious. OK! Truth is my stomach is in knots and I can't think about any one thing for more than a minute!

My day to day existence over the last 10 days has been spent packing up 32 years of life.

And not just packing. It is the sorting and decision making that goes with it. Deciding what to keep, what to throw away, what to give away and what to sell in our moving sale.

Each item has a story. Each story a memory. And, although I will always have the memories it is still hard to let the item go.

Who knew a small, hard plastic monkey could evoke such emotion?

I'm telling you, this monkey is the size of a tooney! It was a decorative item on a drink that I had 9 years ago! And yet it was huge enough to stop me in my tracks and cry today.

The occasion for the drink? I had just received my High School Diploma....at 40! Our family of five went to the Spaghetti Factory, down town Calgary to celebrate. Some of the tears were of joy as I thought about that accomplishment in my life; I was so proud of myself for my hard work and determination. Some of the tears were of grief. Oh how the family dynamics have changed since then.

I allowed the memories to wash over me, along with the tears. Then I made the decision to keep or toss the little blue monkey with the long tail.

The drawers, the cupboards, the boxes. Most has been sorted. Most is out in the garage for our sale today, this week.

Today starts the process of saying goodbye to many treasures, too much stuff and items we don't use enough,
It's been layed out for all to see, to sort through, questioned and bargained for; as we watch it leave through our door.
Each time another 'treasure' is passed from us to them, the memory is embedded deep in our cerebrum.

Our chant within our heads filters down towards our heart; Go ahead and sell it...it is time for a new start.

Cherished memories, friends, times, and years; Thank God it is okay to cry oceans of tears.

Alberta born, Calgary raised, prairie tough and wintered out; The roots are deep and ever here, for that there is no doubt.

But time for change and new adventures has been sent from up above; God designed, laid it out and blessed it with His love.

Obedience is new for me; yes it's really true! But each step I take, He strengthens me and blesses me a new!

No longer do I trust in self but take my cue from Him, I've released control to do it better and watched the struggle dim,

The sorrow, stress, grief and pain and yes the anxiety too; I give it all away today and the worries become few.

He cares for me, He walks beside and catches me when I fall; He breathes in peace and comforts with His plan to sell it all!

Some treasures I have stored, on earth it is a fact; But I think God's okay with the little blue monkey on my back!

Will you please pray for us today? Will you pray for us this week? Will you stop by and encourage us with a smile or a hug. Perhaps one of our laid out treasures will catch your heart and become a memory for you!

Thank you dearest friends for visiting me here again today. I am once again humbled and honoured by your kind, supportive and encouraging words as I lay out my heart for all to see!

Bless you today as you think about the special treasures you have stored on earth and the greater, eternal treasures you are preparing for heaven ♥ LR

Labels

2011-08-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

I would like to challenge you this morning.

The poem in this blog, some of you have already read.

I wrote it my first week out in Victoria in July and had fun with the title and in getting my facebook friends to look at me a little different.

And that, right there, is my challenge to you today.

Not every situation or person is as we may perceive them to be.

We all carry or wear labels. Sometimes permanent ones that we are proud to display and sometimes ones that are very temporary. And sometimes labels that we want to, try real hard to, would do almost anything to get rid of but seem to stick no matter what we do or say or how we change.

Mother, Son, Friend, teacher, broker, biker, dancer, daughter, native, student, unemployed, adulterer, Caucasian, African American, slow, black, father, neighbor, nurse, murderer, drunk, counsellor, homeless, wise, educated, dysfunctional, broken, thief, speaker, Asian, president, lover, challenged, volunteer, gifted, preacher, tourist, christian, atheist, in-law, out-law, wife, obese, engineer, skinny, and the list goes on.

Often time the labels are given to us by others. Others who think they know us. Others who see us as they want to see us. Others who only hear what they want. Others who are quick to judge, quick to assume and quick to categorize.

Will you accept my challenge today?

Not every situation or person is as we may perceive them to be.

Will you take an extra minute to listen to what is being said; take an extra moment to hear what is NOT being said?

Will you open your mind a little more and your heart a little bigger? Will you look past what others have labelled and look for the truth. Dare to label differently. Dare to accept quicker. Dare to judge less. Dare to give a second chance. Dare others the freedom to be all that they are intended to be. Dare you to look at you differently. Dare others to look at you differently.

This picture is a well known illusion.....
What do you see;

an old women or a young lady?

*insert title to poem here*

I lay in your embrace for too long,
Your passionate heat has left its mark upon my skin and lingers with my senses!
There is no hiding of my sin; You made sure all would see my wickedness!
I suffer alone, no one can touch me!
And In my pain you leave me on my own,
and have no compassion for the wounds you have left!
We have been here before, you and I,
But then, I could go back to my husband,
with regret upon my lips and repentance in my heart!
To him who laid his soothing, gentle hands upon my wounds
and bathed my body with forgiveness as he coaxed healing,
removing the wounds you left me with!
But here, where I am alone, I suffer alone;
waiting for healing to come from within.
Waiting for forgiveness from self destruction
and vowing repentance; when your passion once again
fades all sense of responsibility and desire takes over...
to lay in your embrace again.

Blessings to you today as you look at your world and the people in it just a little bit different than first perceived. ........................Go ahead, I dare you!

♥ LR

(My title to the poem? Mr. Sun......)

Expectations 101

2011-08-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

I don't do expectations.

I don't like them.

There are two settings of expectations I am specifically thinking about this morning.

The expectations we place on others and the expectations others place on us.

I don't like either.

Both involve people. And both allow people to fail. And...I don't do failure well.

work with me here....

You have been invited out by a friend. She/He says "it is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to do this with you. You are so fun to be around!"

The expectation has been sent. I am now responsible for their entertainment.

My thoughts go crazy! What if I am having a bad day? What if I am too preoccupied to make it fun. What if they are having a bad day and it turns out to be disasterous?

OR "Thanks, I can't wait to come to your house for dinner! You always cook such great food. I am always telling others how amazing you are in the kitchen!

OH boy....Now what do I cook? How do I 'wow' them this time? Funds are low...I was thinking a pot of soup....no amazing talents there. What will they tell their other friends after that meal?

OR "You are so good at that! I told everyone you could do it and how great you would be!" YIKES!

Do you get the idea?

For me, when others place expectations on me, I freeze. My stomach goes in knots. My heart races. My breathing becomes rapid. The anxiety sometimes becomes so overwhelming I truly can't function. How often I fail in my 'performance' because I felt others expectations placed upon me?

There is a fine line between encouragement and expectations.

What about the expectations I place on others?

The food at the restaurant wasn't anything close to what we were expecting. We left 20 minutes into the movie. The service was terrible. The gift received is a duplicate I already have. The resort was not clean. The weather was horrible. The massage, mediocre at best. The band was too loud. He didn't understand what I was saying. They stayed too long. They didn't stay long enough. She didn't listen. The store was to junky. The traffic worse than before. They were having a bad day.

I actually don't think any of us are expempt from this practice of expecting. Usually it is subconconscience. We put pressure on others without intending to. There are disappointments from above ground expectations all the time.

My husband has been telling me for years "Keep your expectations on the ground"

In other words lower them so that disappointment is non-existent. If you don't expect your happiness to be fulfilled through the actions of someone else then no one fails and anxiety diminishes.

That may not be a major WOW for you....but it is huge for me!

It has taken me more than half of my lifetime to put those words of wisdom into practice.

I can not hold others accountable for my happiness. That has to come from somewhere or some One else.

AND.....

I have finally learned that I can not carry the world on my shoulders. I can't make everyones experiences a WOW! I don't have to impress everyone I come in contact with. I don't have to have words of wisdom all the time. I don't have to be good at everything I do or attempt to do. I don't have to be the 'be all, end all' for all people in my world. I don't have to make sure ALL are happy, loved, listened to, included or understood.

How simple it all became when I realized that it was not my job, not my responsibility for others success and happiness in their own lives!

I was even more amazed that people loved me, accepted me and still desired a relationship whether I met their expectations or let them down on occassion. It was okay to fail. It is a huge part of being human.

There are those who my performance mattered to way to much, those that I could never please to the degree they expected. I no longer jump through the hoops they set before me, I no longer adjust to fit the mold they tried to pour me into.

What deep inner joy there is when I only strive to please the One who truly matters! And what great freedom is felt when the only One I expect anything from is the only One that can truly deliver!

Where do your expectations lay? Who is your 'delivery' man? Who is responsible for YOUR happiness?

♥ LR ♥

Girlfriends and BFF's

2011-08-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I have come to realize in my lifetime it is the fact that life is short and those you love, from the very depths of your heart, may not be around through the duration of your short life.

Loss and grief is as much a part of life as joy and happiness.

Not all loss is eternal. Sometimes it is in 'the moving away from' kinda loss.

Sometimes it is because someone changed.

Sometimes it is because of misunderstanding.

Sometimes it is because of changed circumstances.

Sometimes it is because of new chapters.

Sometimes it is because, although so small at times; our world can be so very large.

And sometimes it is because God calls and someone listens.

My heart is heavy this morning and tears stream down my face as I grief over the distance soon to be between some amazing friends and myself.

It is not easy to say good-bye. Matter of fact, I have always disliked...strongly disliked...okay down right hated; Good-byes! Whether they be very short term or across 4 provinces or 2 or whether there are countries now seperating lives or whether it is good-bye into eternity. I don't like them!

While I am at it, I would like to confess something else. Right now. I want to lay out a secret of my heart.

I am in love with some very dear girlfriends!

Yes, it's true! Head over heels, silly in my head, In love!

It is a love that floods the heart when I see them. A love that smiles when I see them smile. A love that rejoices when they laugh. A love that cries when they hurt. A love that holds through the gunk and the junk of human-ness. A love that forgives the hurt. A love that understands. A love that listens to their words but more importantly hears their hearts. A love that wants to hold them close. A love that wants to make their world a better place. A committed kind of love. A patient love. A kind love. Love where jealousy does not exist. A love that speaks loudly in itself without the need to verbally shout it from the rooftops. A love that gives of self for the betterment of others. A love that walks side by side. It is a healthy kind of love that nurtures, fills and feeds the hearts of others.

It is a God-given kind of love that blesses my own life beyond measure, beyond understanding, beyond comprehension. The richest heart is a heart that loves and is loved in return. If love is given without thought of self; love returns 100 times over.

This kind of love doesn't just happen and it is not gifted to everyone. I don't believe you can truly know what it is to love this deeply until you have lost someone you love so dearly.

The love that I have for these friends was built over family times, church times, community times, work times, kid times, good times, bad times, happy times & sad times. Love was nurtured through difficult events, joyous occasions and great times of grief.

I will be forever be changed because of my forever friends, some of whom I have known for ever and some that have recently found a place in my heart.

I will cherish the tears shed, the laughter shared, the secrets told, the truth revealed and hearts opened.

I will cherish relationships now lost and friendships that will never end.

And as distance seperates us, I will cherish the love that fills my heart and allows me to keep you close to me at all times.

I will cherish the memories of our times together and I will forever be grateful we made time for one another.

And I will never stop wishing for another moment in time to spend with you over a glass of wine!

I found this song this morning as I was looking for solice for an aching heart. Please click on the hyperlink to this song by LeAnn Rimes "Good friends & a glass of wine" And as you listen to it...think of all the wonderful girl times we have shared over the years and that the love I have for you will forever be true!

http://youtu.be/8qrCkoSPMrc

I love you ♥ I am already anticipating the next time we will sit together and share in a glass of wine! LR

Joy in the Journey

2011-08-04T07:35:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord, once again I am forgetting to find joy in the journey!

The stress and emotions of packing, sorting, tossing, selling and storing!

I am complaining again!

I am wanting the end result and don't want to work to get there!

There are so many journey's in life....

School ~ How many of us just want the diploma at the end? The getting there (the actual school work!) isn't fun for most of us. Who wakes up in the morning and says "Yes! I get to take a calculus test today!"? We just want the passing grade at the end. We just want to graduate.

Wedding day ~ Oh the work involved to get to that day!! oye vay! The stress, the worry, the planning, the tears, the frustration, the anger, the indecisiveness, the choices and the choosing, the lists, the family dynamics.... How often do we forget to find JOY in this journey? We just want the perfect day to be here; we want the perfect end result!

Birth of a baby ~ How many months, days, hours do we agonize over our pregnancy. The discomfort, the concern, the health of both mom & baby, the weight, the perfect baby's room, the naming, the hormones, the moods, the misunderstandings between mom & dad, the finances, the lifestyle changes, the tears. And if it is the first baby; the fear. The last month or so are the worst; we don't want to be pregnant any longer! We want the Joy of holding our new born.

Raising kids ~ Every stage has it's challenges. Can't wait until they can crawl, walk, talk. Can't wait until the 'terrible two's' are over. Can't wait for them to be in school. Can't wait for summer to start. Can't wait for summer to end. Can't wait to go on holidays. Can't wait to get home from holidays. Can't wait for them to be independant. Can't wait till they can drive themselves. Can't wait till they get their own car. Can't wait for graduation. Can't wait for graduation stress to be over. Can't wait for college. Can't wait to be done college. Can't wait until the college education is paid for. Can't wait till they have a decent job. Can't wait until they move out. Can't wait for them to come visit. Can't wait for them to call.....So wish my kids were young again! Is there joy in your parenting journey?

Time ~ in just a minute. In a bit. In an hour. Tonight. Tomorrow. In a couple of days. In a week. On Friday. After the weekend. On the weekend. Next week. Next month. In 6 months. Next year. When your older. When I was younger. When you grow up.

Money ~ When I win the lottery. When I get paid. With the inheritance after she is gone. When the bonus is given. When I get a raise. When I get a better job. When the credit card comes in the mail. When he pays me back. When I strike it rich. When I find the gold.

Food ~ When the ground is tilled. After the seeds are planted. As soon as I pick it from the garden. After I get groceries. After it's washed. When I get it peeled. After it's cut up. When it's cooked. When its dished out. Once I put it on the table. When you are done. After you clear your plate. When the dishes are washed. After the dishes are done. In the morning at breakfast. Wait until tomorrows lunch. When we go for dinner on friday. When someone else cooks it.

Travel ~ Are we there yet? How long? how much further? After we stop. When we get going. Once we arrive. After we get gas. When you get a car. Once you are on the plane. When you get off. After we eat. When we are done. When you get here.

Life ~ Once I'm done school. When I get a good job. When I get married. Once I have children. When the kids are older. When the kids move out. When I am a gramma. When I get healthy. When I loose weight. When I retire. After retirement. When I am too old to live on my own. After they move me to the 'other' wing. Once I am gone....

At the other end of whatever you are living right now, will you say you found joy in the journey? Or did you just wish your life away? Did you live in the moment through every stage? Are you living in the moment today? Enjoy this second and everything that it brings. There is something, there is always something to be positive about, to find joy in!

I need to remind myself today; this moment, that there is joy to be found in this journey. Yes, the end result will be amazing, but then it too will become a journey. Will I find Joy then?

What Joy can you savour right now, this moment, this day?

Blessings be poured upon you as you find the joy in your journey....Today! ♥ LR

My Girlfriend Tells Me; It's Not All About Me

2011-08-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

That's what this blog was supposed to be called. And truth be told....this blog was supposed to be a book with that title. Honest.

The idea of a month long sabbatical came to be because of a dream I had about 3 months before about writing a book. Getting out of bed the next morning, Randy and I discussed it and it just started to fall into place.

I had full intentions of writing a book on the island. God desired something else.

Each morning that I have written here; I sit down without an idea in my head and I give it all to God. He takes over and the words come. Every day...they just come, fast, and fluid and God-breathed.

It is humbling. It is honouring. It is a gift. It is raw. It is real. It is the me that God has always desired I be.

I've come a long way baby!!!

I come from a place where I couldn't handle others talking about me. AT ALL! I would get mad & angry. I have walked away from relationships because others talked about me without me present.

I have spent many moments in my husbands arms with tears cascading down my face, at the thought of being judged, discussed & gossiped about.

I worked hard at putting forth the persona I wanted others to see. I controlled my actions, words, emotions. I shushed my husband when he shared something I didn't want others to know about us...about me. I pleaded again and again with him to NOT discuss me with anyone unless I was there! I hated that he was so vocal, so honest, so out there, so not carrying what anyone thought of him. He was who he was, nothing fake or controlled or scripted for him. I couldn't understand how he could show such vulnerability out in the world...for all to see!

For years he didn't understand that side of me. We were too different. Until finally; my tears, hurt, embarrassment and wounded pride reduced me to complete social phobia. My husband started to understand. He became the only truly safe person in my life. He protected me. He comforted me. He helped me create the perfect place of peace and rest. He was the only one I allowed, without reservation, in my comfort zone.

Frozen fear of being around others. I couldn't function outside of my controlled environment.

Social Phobia as the dictionary defines;

A psychiatric disorder characterized by anxiety about being in public or social gatherings. Also called social anxiety disorder.

I tried the counselling, the medications, cognitive behaviour therapy, self help books, group counselling, medical counselling and prayer. I read everything I could get my hands on. I researched for hours.

And I surrounded myself with safe friends. I carefully controlled my outings, my social times & my relationships. And every day...I fell into the arms of my husband with tears and anxiety and fear and pain and hurt and complete and utter exhaustion.

The drugs I went on were brutal, to put it mildly. The coming off of them was something I will NEVER go through again. I will never subject my body or my mind to something that powerful outside of God again.

I believe God took pity on me about 10 years ago. He knew I was destined for something else. Something better. Something that brought glory to Him and Joy to me.

It amazes me to this day how he directed me into the insurance industry as a receptionist! Talk about a social career choice! People all day long. People could hear my telephone conversations. People watched me write. Watched me walk. Watched me talk on the phone. The second day at my new job we had a lunch meeting...the horror at eating pizza in front of 7 people I barely new!

The thing with psychiatric disorders is they are not rational. They don't make sense to anyone but the person who is suffering. And I certainly wasn't about to try to explain it!

Every single step I took for 6 years was carefully planned out, mapped out and controlled by me. And when others were determined to take me out of the comfort zone I had so carefully designed...I fell apart. I retreated. I went into hiding. I regressed.

The thing is...I thought it mattered what others thought of me.

But each day I pushed myself one step further. One step more outside of the zone I had lived in for way too long. I did ALOT of self talk. I lectured myself. I argued with myself. I battled within on a daily, most time hourly, basis. I forced myself to move. To talk. To interact. To squelch the rolling pain of anxiety deep in my gut; to ignore it. To smile. To laugh. To be real. The work was hard and not always successful. I became good at faking it until I made it.

It took a tragedy to break me free from the bonds of social phobia. Gut wrenching, life changing, who-cares-what-anyone-thinks-grief has a way of stripping away all pride. Breaking down all carefully built walls. And wearing the truth of who you are for all the world to see.

It just didn't matter anymore. I didn't care what others thought anymore. I grieved from the depths of my unguarded heart and I didn't care who saw. Didn't care or even think about being judged, talked about or discussed with out me present.

I have re-created my comfort zone of late. It is a place where I can truly be the me that I desire to be. It is a place where I am loved & accepted. There is no judgement here. There is no jealousy. There is no condemnation. No ridiculing. There is laughter of the love-filled heart. No hidden agenda. No manipulation. There is confidence. There is belief in self. There is belief in others. There is a giving and there is a taking. There is peace. There is joy. There is hope. There is faith. There is amazing unconditional love. I love my new comfort zone. I don't need to be careful, cautious or guarded.
Freedom reigns and the bondage of me-centered thinking has been broken.

This perfect place is in the arms of my heavenly Father and and I invite you to enter with me. I welcome you with open arms to a place where we can share one anothers lives in the deepest, purest, real-ist way possible.

Set your mask at the entrance and let your face shine God's truth, God's radiance and God's unconditional love to all you meet here today. Here He will protect your heart. Your soul. Your spirit. Here He will allow you to be the person He has always desired you to be. I encourage you to shake off and destroy your own carefully constructed comfort zone. I found His to be much better. Much safer. And much more designed for YOU!

Oh, and by the way? This new comfort zone of mine? It is no longer all about me!

Blessings to you today as you step INTO the comfort zone God has designed for you. ♥ LR

Walk with me?

2011-08-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

Forsaking
All
I
Trust
Him

I have spent an entire life time not understanding the truest form of what FAITH is.

Interestingly, I just recently learned the true meaning of Grace too; but that may be another entry down the road.

The dictionary defines faith as;

unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence
Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

And the Bible defines Faith as;

the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen
the understanding that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.

Almost 40 years ago I gave my childhood heart to a radical Jesus. The church we attended was called the 'Jesus people church'. I am not sure if we, as a family called it that or if the church body called it that..but that is what I knew it as.

There was lots of singing and dancing and praising and some preaching. The style of church fed the strong emotional being of a young child. I don't remember Faith being taught and as a young child I only needed the belief that mom and dad took care of ALL that I couldn't see. My Faith rested in their parenting skills.

Fast forward about 10 years; a new resolve to follow the teachings of a new church and seemingly a new Jesus. This one much more reserved. There was lots of preaching, some singing; absolutely NO dancing and very little praising.

But it was a new chapter in my life. newly married. new baby. new and very different life.

I think I missed the Sunday that Faith was handed out in this new church. But I was able to attend each and every week that the godly principles and rules were taught. I got that down pat!

Oh sure I prayed and I was even aware of some of them being answered. But Faith? Well that came from trusting. And somewhere along the way...I stopped trusting. Completely. Totally. In everything. In everyone. Including my husband and my God.

Somewhere along the way I adopted the fact that I was the only one I could trust. The only one who completely understood me and my needs. The only one that could make things happen. The only one I could rely on.

Again, fast forward 26 years. I failed me. I had it all under control. I had everyone I cared about in order. I rescued. I helped. I gave. I worked to meet the needs, the desires, the dreams of those closest to me. I failed. And I lost trust in myself.

The God that I had strived to follow for those 26 years; the one whom I truly didn't trust but yet was taught that he cared about everything that I cared for. He too failed me.

In my pain. my disbelief, my sorrow and agony. I walked away from us both. I hated both. I abused both. I no longer trusted or had faith in anyone or anything.

Now, present day. I forgave self. I forgave God. I trust. I believe. I have Faith.

Faith came in the form of love.

At the darkest time of my 4 year journey; God was able to break through and Love me.

Oh, He probably loved me all those years; but I wouldn't accept it. I certainly didn't believe it. I was the one that said God is a God who answers everyones prayers but mine. I was never good enough, spiritual enough or smart enough to be loved by such a big and mighty God.

June 8, 2009, God broke through and poured His love down on me. Washed me with it. Cleansed me. Held me. Filled me with love so unconditional, so huge, so consuming, so true and so pure.

He loved me just as I was. At that very exact moment. He loved me despite the darkness I lived. Despite the anger. The hatred. The ugliness and the turning away from.

The tears came then. Flooding. Pouring. Falling. Soaking. Washing.

From that day to December 2010 I allowed Him to heal me in my brokenness.

He allowed me to learn how to trust Him. learn how to love Him. Learn how to listen to His voice. Learn how to have faith, to walk in faith, to talk of faith, to believe. Not again...because I never truly did before. No, this is new....brand new.

I believe in an unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence. And with confidence I belief in the truth, value, and trustworthiness of God.

I now have the assurance of things hoped for & the conviction of things not seen.

God loved me in my darkest hour...yesterday. God loves ME just as I am...today.

Now when I wake; I give the day to God and wait expectantly for His guidance. And then I walk in it.

Now when I pray; I sit quietly. Do nothing. And wait expectantly for His answer.

Now when I have a decision to make; I send it on to God. And wait for His choosing.

Now when I am concerned for a loved one; I lay them in His hands. And I wait, I watch Him care for them.

Now when I desire, dream, hope, believe; I hand it all over to God and watch Him make it all come true!

I didn't understand how that worked before. Now I just refuse to move until I see a supernatural surprise from God.

And recently the surprises have been many, the gifts to numerous to count.

My faith rests on the fact that God brought me through the deepest, darkest hour I could have ever imagined. If He can handle that which I thought was complete and total hopelessness.; than He can handle every other little or big thing that comes my way. (Or YOUR way!)

I am done trying to make everyones life and circumstances better. I am done manipulating the world to make 'IT' all work out for everyone! I wasn't very good at and it was never even my job, but I quit anyway!

God has proven He does a much better job at caring for 'IT' all! His outcome far surpasses mine. His gifts are supernatural. mine were superficial, at best. My shoulders are weak & puny. His are strong, wide and mighty enough to carry the whole world.

And that is good enough for me...finally!

May I ask you today.......?

Where does your faith lay?

Is He good enough for you to put your complete trust in His care?

Whose hands hold your future?

Rich Blessings to you dear heart as you walk in Faith today. ♥ LR

The Darkest Place

2011-07-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lord? Did you say my name?

Did you call me, Jesus?

I was in a dark place. I wanted to be there. I chose to be there. I knew it was wrong. Yet...I went anyway.

Was that You, that tried to gently lead me out? Your voice, quietly asking me to come to you?

I confess. I heard it. In the distance; even tho you were right in front of me. You were speaking to my soul, to my spirit.

And Yet I only listened to the sounds of the darkness. The sounds were appealing. Pulling, tugging, leading, enticing, whispering to my own dark places within myself. I entered. Against your wishes, your desires, your teachings, your leading, your direction.

It was so much easier to give in to the darkness at the moment. It didn't take effort, it was almost natural. Almost felt like I was destined or dare I say...created to walk where I walked. It seemed to great a task to answer to your voice. To respond at the calling of my name.

No discipline needed. No strength required. The power was from an outward source. I didn't have to rely on me. But then....you weren't asking me to. And yet, it was just easier....somehow.

I went because I could! I went because in the moment it felt good; great even! I tasted, I saw, I touched, I smelt and I heard. In the darkness, it was all there....with me.

It was afterwards. When even the darkness didn't have a place for me anymore. When all the feelings; all the senses were no longer being enticed. When everything within was being shut down, turned off, put away.

The darkness could only hold me, my attention, my desires for a short time. For there was no re-fueling to be found, no source of life giving energy, no place of renewal.

And now that I was spent, exhausted and used up, this place of darkness no longer had use for me. I wasn't welcomed any longer. I was being ridiculed, laughed at, ostracized, kicked around, spit on. I was pushed, pulled, bruised, beaten and broken.

I tried to recover...many times, I tried to stand on my own two feet, tried to rely or call upon the power within myself. Alas there was only weakness to found. No matter how determined I desired to be, no matter how tired of the abuse from this dark place, no matter the hands of loved ones reaching out to help & pick me up, pull me out. I was too weak. I could see their hands, their hearts, their desire to help.

And, honestly? I reached out my hands to grasp theirs...but the distance too great, the chasm to wide.

I retreated to a corner of safety, there in the darkness. It turned out to be a false sense..but it allowed me a moment of reprieve. In that moment I called out to the One I rejected. I felt His presence...briefly.

Briefly before being pulled into the center of the darkness. To be used once more as a play thing. Jostled, juggled, tossed and dropped. Sure there were still moments when I actually thought it was fun...kind of. But the moments were much shorter, the after pain too great, the recovery too long.

Each time I retreated to a corner where no one was; where I could heal, recover and rest. I whispered His name. I turned my eyes, my heart to the opening in this pit of darkness. The opening that I hadn't noticed, yet knew was always there. The opening where glittering, brilliant, warming rays of light streamed through. The brilliance shone upon my face, reflecting to the space around me.

For the first time, my eyes scanned the place I had nestled into. I took in the dirt & the grime, the dust & filth. I looked at the place I had retreated to...really looked at and examined it. And I was disgusted with what I saw. I had sat in the midst of this cesspool for too long and I desired escape. I needed escape. I could no longer breathe. I jumped up, gulping air into my lungs, desperately needing fresh, new, life-giving oxygen.

This time, it wasn't a whisper. I cried out His name. I begged Him to hear me. To see me. To rescue me. To cleanse me. I came to hate the dark place. I lifted my eyes, my face, my heart, my spirit, and my soul to the opening above. And when I finally lifted my hands up to the sky, to the heaven above; I felt His hand touch mine. I knew it was Him. I felt the scars. I grabbed on and allowed Him to lift me out. To carry me away from the stench, filth and disgust of that dark place.

He carried me to a place of healing, cleansing, renewal. He washed me with His gentleness, patience and unbelievable love. He held me, rocked me, sang to my soul. He forgave me. He blessed me. He showed me a new place.

A place of wholeness, light & strength. An amazing place full of joy, peace, hope, mercy & grace. A place where light resides...all the time. Where my heart is cared for, loved, desired. Where I am understood. Where history and newness reside together. Where there is direction, calling and manifested dreams.

A place where He says my name and I smile in response.

Bless you as you hear His voice and walk in His light today. <3 LR

What color are your eyes?

2011-07-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

Drama

Family drama. Church drama. Work related drama. Community drama. Neighborhood drama. Elementary school drama. Middle school and of course, high school drama. College drama. City clubs & small town bar drama. Friendship & relationship drama.

I love the word Drama. It isn't quite as psychotic as 'issues'.

When people come together in any type of gathering...no, not people. Women, girls, ladies, chicks, princesses, prima donas, females, diva's, dudettes, gf's, bgf's, bff's....kind of people. There is likely to be some sort of drama happening.

It could be obvious, in your face drama. Or an electrical undercurrent of hidden drama. But it is almost always there. The prime fuel for this, in my opinion comes from one source.

Jealousy.

Some like to separate the two; jealousy & envy.

Envy

feeling of discontent and ill will because of another's advantages, possessions, etc.; resentful dislike of another who has something that one desires
desire for some advantage, quality, etc. that another has

Jealousy

very watchful or careful in guarding or keeping: jealous of one's rights
resentfully suspicious of a rival or a rival's influence: a husband jealous of other men
resentfully envious
resulting from such feelings: a jealous rage

Separate the two if you like...but the results are the same. the dazzle of green eyes.

Jealousy

She can be your best friend and looses 5 lbs...You are SO very happy for her! =) But deep (sometimes not too deep) down you compare, and you wish, hope, desire it to be you. You stop listening to the excitement in her voice, you become quiet and introspective; and your eyes have a slight tint of green to them.

Jealousy.

A co-worker receives a gift from a customer. You smile and acknowledge the praise they are given. But the words bounce off you as you think why them, I do at least as good a job as them; I never get gifts given to me. Of course you shake off the silliness of those thoughts..but your body language spoke it, and your eyes reflect green....

Jealousy

Wow, what a nice car, house, bike, tractor, lawn mower, dog, rake, flowers, wife, husband, kids, renovation, window, yard, garage, TV, chair, plate, stove or floor. We verbalize our oooo's and our aaaahhh's, But inwardly sometimes, oft times, we think how great that would look in our kitchen, yard, garage, house, bed. We desire after it and our eyes sparkle green..

Jealousy.

Your friend is moving forward in her life after years of pain. Of course you are happy for her but she doesn't quite need you the same way she used to. The crutches are gone, the shoulder unused of late, the tears now of joy and not sorrow. You want her to be free, healthy, strong...really you do! And then you realize...she is moving forward! You have your feet planted firm in strong roots. She is seeing all that is new, alive, joyful, exciting! You are watering the roots, packing down the soil. Feeling unnecessary, unneeded, unmovable...you sprinkle the roots with a tinge of bitterness and envy. And you look at your
friend with a heart full of love and your eyes the color of emeralds.

Jealousy

It hurts. It disables. It cuts. It destroys. It breaks. It wounds. It angers. It saddens. It brings grief, sorrow and tears.

I too am a knight in rusty armor, sword in hand,
Determination & strength my companions
I fight back the dragon, the blazing hot tongue of fire
The swollen head, blackened heart and eyes of emerald green

I cut and cross, I feint and fleche, I parry and I block
My body gets weary, my vision is blurred, I stumble and retreat
With weakened muscle, and strength so not my own; My sword is lifted high
The battle continues, the war rages, the duel a fight to the finish!

The spiritual forces continue the battle when my heart is revealed to Him
He takes the desires, the unhealthy wants and wishes, the not quite happy with me feelings
He puts out the fire, the ego reduced, the tongue not so hot with the flame
The heart beats blood red, the breath sweet and true, and my eyes shine their beautiful blue!

Jealousy

If you are a women; you know of which I speak. (Men are NOT exempt...but I speak from that which I feel and know; that of being female!) We all have been on both sides of the green-eyed monster.

Either side a destructive entity to an otherwise wonderful friendship.

Where are you in your battle?

Life....is short.

Battles...a waste of time.

Friendships...too important.

Blessings to you today as you find peace in all that YOU are and all that YOU have. ♥ LR

**side note** to my beautiful green-eyed born friends... naturally, born to you, green eyes have the glitter of love sprinkled in and there is a stunning beauty within those monster free green eyes!

British Columbia & Memories

2011-07-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

BC and Grandpa & Grandma go hand in hand....There is a sense of coming home!

I was walking today; up hills, down roadways, stairways and over rocks,
Back to the waters edge where I can breathe, pray and listen
It wasn't in the where I was going that mattered today
It was in the thoughts, in the memories I opened; the memories cherished.

Memories stored deep within; spilled out as I walked by the weeping willow
Remembering the coolness under the magnificent hanging branches
The warmth of the love that was felt as we gathered there
The laughter, the games, the meals, the togetherness of cherished family.

The willows led way to a vast array of wonderfulness
The smell of fresh cut wood, greasy tractor grease,
Dove bar soap, house dresses & square dancing,
Tree Swing, fresh picked cherries & burrs in long hair.

Half the fun was in the getting there; 7 of us in one car
Banff gates, long drives & new comic books
Wax paper wrapped tuna sandwiches & muffins
Travel games, word games & silly songs

Long winded grace before breakfast
Brown betty tea pot full of hot steeped tea,
Happy face juice glasses and spoons in a crock
Potatoes, corn, beets & ham, bread, buns, cookies and jam.

Rexall Drug store where Grandma worked, Davidsons Fruit stand & the drive-in
The shared drive way, the warm greetings from Trixie,
And the high pitched welcome from the front porch
The love filled hugs and the smell that belonged.

The slugs, the spiders, the moss and the dew
The farm, the barn, the loft full of hay
The dirt, the tall grass, the trees dropping plums
The mice, the cats, the boots and the hats.

The guitar playing, the singing, the jingle of the tambourine
The harmonica, accordion, organ and the bongo beat
The worship, the praise, the music filled house,
The deep bass voice, the tapping of toes, the musical notes; both the highs and the lows.

Cherished remembering, cherished hearts, cherished lives.
Rich history, rich roots, riches beyond measure
Memories of love filled childhood days spilled out from deep within
And washed over my soul with the sweetness of lives lived and days now past.

I walked today with my Grandpa quite near

And so many memories flooded of my Grandma dear,

The blackberries, mistletoe and cedars so high,

Weeping Willows remembered and tears of joy in my eye.

This time, this day, this now....

2011-07-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

I am actually afraid to write today. Afraid of what is bubbling deep within my being. Afraid of my thoughts, emotions, feelings, afraid of my future.

I am afraid; Saturday is coming,
August is mere days from beginning,
Life altering change is in my next breath.
I am afraid; of my faith, of good-byes, of letting go, of being forgotten & of forgetting,
I am afraid; of the tomorrows and the yesterdays.
I am afraid; you won't know who I am anymore.
I am afraid; to trust, to believe, to hope,
I am afraid; of sorrow, grief, failure
I am afraid; of unbelievable happiness & incredible joy
I am afraid; of the unknown, the newness, the journey
I am afraid; of fear.

I could let all these fears stop me in my tracks. Stop me from moving forward, from letting go and giving up control. I could, I have...in the past.

But not this time.

This time it is different.

I am different. He is different (I see Him different). Life is different.

This time I am not the one responsible, not the one in control, not the one in the drivers seat, I am not the one striving to make it all work!

This time, this day, this now... is out of my hands!
And that brings such relief, such peace, such presence
Fear pushes way to Faith, to Trust, to Belief.
And that washes my soul with His essence.

Breathe in the sweet Peace of Jesus
Breathe out all that does not belong
Breathe in the amazing Love of my Father
Breathe out all that, which is wrong.

This time, this day, this now...is in Your hands!
and fear no longer is seen,
I focus on you for direction
and love what always has been!

Breathe in the Freedom of Christ,
Breathe out the rules that can bind
Breathe in His Incredible Joy
Breathe out all that clutters the mind.

This time,
This day,
This now....
I no longer am afraid;
This time,
This day,
This now...
I remembered & I prayed!

How often does fear stop you in your tracks? When was the last time? Too often it happens to me and too often I forget to bring it to God, to lay it at his feet, to let go.

Oh but when I do remember...
when I go to him with the truth, with the fear of my heart... He is there! He takes it and says 'fear not, for I am with you...'

He wants to take it; He wants to see you, to see me, step out in faith...to walk on the water!

He has such amazing gifts for us when we open our hands, our hearts, our minds, our spirits & our Faith.

When we let go, when we give it to Him, when we trust Him with it all; The treasures are many, the joy incredible, and such delight floods our entire being.

What are you afraid of?

Can you give Him your fear today and be open to receive His goodness?

He stands, with arms open wide, hands outstretched, patient, loving, desiring, waiting......

His Peace be yours this day, this now, at this time ♥ LR

The Ocean's Edge

2011-07-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

Today the purity of the water.
The vastness of the ocean.
The cleansing tide washing away the darkness, the sorrow, the sin, the grief, the stress, the shattered dreams, the broken heart, the anguish, the loneliness, the bitterness, anger, strife and loss.

All washed away in the crashing of the waves, the lapping of the receding tide and the small pools of ocean water.

God was present, there at the oceans edge as I looked out in awe.

The world. My world, behind me. Out of site. Out of hearing distance. Left out on purpose. Left to fend for itself, I was no longer present.

I looked as a babe, out over the vastness of the ocean. So incredibly awestruck I was.

And all I could see. All I could hear. All I could feel. Was God. He filled the space; completely. He was there. And he poured out his love on me. He held me. He comforted me. He filled me with his grace. He filled me with His mercy. He brought about a sense of completeness. Accomplishment. Rest. Peace. He asked me to let go of all that I was holding on to. And I did.